Day 4 - Relax and Reflect

Sunday.  A day of relaxation.  And that’s what today was—for the most part.

A good chunk of the morning was spent getting this blog up and running.  It’s my first ever, so I had to figure out the technical mechanics of making it work.  That was a good mental distraction even though the content of the blog centers on my cancer.

Other than that, there were the few odd chores that needed to be done around the house—picking up, watering plants, a load of laundry or two, a run to Kroger to buy some groceries, and a stop by the post office to pay what will be the first of many healthcare bills.

So how am I doing?  Really.

I never really asked the question, “Why me?”  It has no answer other than the statistics show that one in six men in the U.S. will get prostate cancer.  I never really asked, “How did this happen?”  Researchers much smarter than me are still trying to figure that out. 

And while there was some anger between the initial discovery and the diagnosis, I quickly learned that harboring such anger was a destructive waste of time and energy (plus a few people I interact with wanted to slap me silly because I was so cranky).  That doesn’t mean that it’s gone away entirely; I think I just handle it a bit better now.

So I’m not sitting here in the dark going, “Boo-hoo, woe is me.”  I have cancer.  It’s not what I would have chosen for myself, but it’s what I’ve been dealt.  I can’t change that fact. Now it’s time to deal with it.

Of course, we’re still trying to define “it.”  Tomorrow I go for my bone scan to ensure that it hasn’t metastasized and spread beyond the prostate.  They’ll squirt some radioactive juice in my veins in the morning; I go back in the afternoon for the actual scan; and I’ll glow in the dark in the evening.  (Okay, I’m making that last part up.  I think.)

The radioactive material will form “hot spots” that show up on the scan where there are problem areas.  Unfortunately, it will settle in areas of cancer as well as areas of arthritis.  So if any hot spots do show up, I anticipate there may be even further tests needed to determine if they’re arthritis or cancerous.  With more testing comes more waiting.

My appointment to learn the bone scan results is on Thursday, 18 November.

Finally, my free gift from the doctor, “100 Questions and Answers about Prostate Cancer,” has been sitting on the kitchen counter since I put it there Thursday morning on returning from his office.  It may be time that I pick that up and start reading it.