Welcome


Welcome.

When I wrote that banner above, I was just days into this adventure. I'm a pretty analytical guy, and the simple act of writing every day helped me wrap my head around the fact that I had just introduced the word "cancer" into my vocabulary, and it helped me rationalize my treatment options. It also helped keep friends and family informed on my status.

Those daily updates tapered off to weekly updates and eventually to monthly updates (which I continue to do on the 11th of every month, the anniversary date of being told I have cancer).

I've kept this blog going because I remember how helpful it was for me to hear first-hand experiences of other prostate cancer patients. I wanted to return the favor by sharing my own journey in order to educate others and increase prostate cancer awareness.

But I wanted it to be a truthful sharing of details, so you will quickly see that I didn't sugar-coat much of anything. That means that you'll find some pretty graphic descriptions of the male anatomy and biological functions in this blog.

Finally, if you're reading this as a fellow prostate cancer patient, please understand that I am not a medical professional, and you should not construe any of the content of this blog as medical advice. Each case is unique, so please solicit the advice of your own medical team.

I wish you all the best as you go through your own journey.

-- Dan

Monday, November 29, 2010

Day 19 - Reality Check


Monday.  Back to reality.

And I’m not talking the reality of being at work after being off for four days. I’m talking the anxious thoughts of cancer came flooding back this morning for some reason.  Most centered around this whole ordeal of selecting the guy who’s going to poke holes in my pelvic region, root around for the bad ol’ prostate, snip it out of me, and sew everything back together, hopefully, with no leaks or no spare parts left over.  “Hmmm… Where does this go??”

I feel like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade: “Choose wisely.”  Pick the right chalice, and I live happily ever after; pick the wrong one, and I’m condemned to a hell of peeing in my diapers and never getting a woody again.  (Sorry, at some point the conversation had to go down that path—it’s part of my reality.)

A bit dramatic?  Perhaps.  But that’s the way my mind is operating at the moment.

I know that I need to do this, and I know the chances of the hellish outcome are quite small, and most important, I know that having the surgery will give me the best chance of long term survival, so all of this should be a no-brainer.

I guess part of this anxiety may be realizing that selecting a surgeon and scheduling a surgery date takes this whole adventure one step closer to the very real.  But, as a coworker pointed out at lunch today, it also takes me one step closer to being cancer-free.  I have to keep that perspective in mind and let it be the driving force of my thoughts.

She understands, as she’s a cancer survivor herself.

It was really helpful to talk with her today and she helped bring me back to thinking more positively and more logically about the entire thing.

Even amidst all my angst this morning, I did manage to call the second surgeon in Indianapolis and was able to schedule an appointment to see him (Monday, 13 December).  Now, I just need to get all of my records sent up to him before then.  Somehow, I have a feeling that that won’t be the easiest of tasks.

So the forecast for the next two weeks includes a wintry mix of distraction, emotion, and anticipation.  What’s next:

Monday, 6 December – Colonoscopy
Thursday, 9 December – Cincinnati Surgeon Appointment
Monday, 13 December – Indianapolis Surgeon Appointment
Tuesday, 14 December – Toss executive decision making aid (Heads = Cincinnati; Tails = Indianapolis)
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