Day 40 - Crossroads

Indonesia.  France.  Germany.  Denmark.  U.K.  Russia.  Canada.  U.S.  I’ve had page views from each of those countries since the launching this blog.  Wow.

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Für meine Freunde in Deutschland:

Vielen Dank für Ihren Kommentar. Wenn Sie möchten, senden Sie mir bitte eine E-Mail mit dem Link in meinem Profil. (In der "Über mich" Teil weiter unten.) Wenn Sie dies tun, kann ich dann, um Ihre Kommentare zu antworten.

Und bitte verzeihen Sie mich für mein schlechtes Deutsch.

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Today got off to an early start when I drove to my biofeedback session in Cincinnati.  As I was sitting in the waiting room, I was reading my book and it said, “…this is an expensive way for a man to learn how to start and stop his stream, and indeed, critical studies have demonstrated no great benefit to this elaborate and expensive procedure. “  Something reassuring that I needed to read 10 minutes before starting the session.

One thing that did make the session worthwhile is the lesson that I learned about the catheter and drainage bags.  It was very informative and gave me a better understanding of what I’m in for.

After that appointment, I had another appointment with my family doctor here in town.  I wanted to get her take on the lymph node dilemma—take them out or leave them in.  I thought that she might be a bit more committal with her recommendation, but she really wasn’t.  “It’s your choice,” she said after explaining some pros and cons.  She suggested that it might be of value to talk with an oncologist who deals with prostate patients, and I may take her up on that suggestion.  But that leads to another issue which I’ll talk about in a minute.

Needless to say, the events of the morning didn’t exactly put me in a cheerful mood for our Christmas lunch with our team at work.  Or for the rest of the afternoon, for that matter.  Especially when I read, “…as surgical procedures go, radical prostatectomy remains one of the most delicate, intricate, and flat-out difficult to perform correctly.” 

I’ve learned through this whole process that you really do have to educate yourself and be your own advocate.  But for those of you who really know me, you know that I can take educating myself to an extreme.  At some point, I’m going to have to stop and just take that leap of faith.

But there are still some questions that need to be asked and answered, and I’ll do that.  Will I ever get comfortable with the notion of having to go through this?  Nope.  I need to identify the point at which I can follow the book’s advice:

“Now we’re at a crossroads.  Educating yourself is just half the battle—the half you can control.  The other half involves a leap of faith: You must find a doctor you can believe in, and then you must be able to accept that doctor’s advice.”

“…Release the burden from your shoulders.  Let go and allow the doctor to take over.  Spend your energy and strength following that advice, recovering from the treatment, and beating this disease.”

I think I’m getting closer.  But I also know that I have until the day before the surgery to change my mind.

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An update: Neither Dr. Indy nor anyone from his staff has yet to contact me with answers to my questions from last Tuesday, with the orders for the pre-surgery physical tests, or the DVD and information packet concerning the procedure.