Week 15 - Back in the Routine

Welcome back!  I’m really not sure for the best way to format these weekly updates, to I’ll just try a chronological summary of the week for starters.  We’ll see how that goes…

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Friday was probably my best day at work all week long.  I had virtually no discomfort in my groin, which told me that I was sore simply from using muscles that hadn’t been used in a while (as well as having had holes poked in them!)  I was walking at a normal pace (early in the week, it was painful to walk too fast), and just felt great.

When I got home, I fixed dinner and decided to throw a load of laundry in the wash (to free up more time on Saturday).  As I went to get my dirty laundry, I was suddenly attacked by an spring-cleaning urge to clean out my closet.

I pulled out clothes and shoes that I hadn’t worn since the Roosevelt administration (Teddy).  Those that seemed to have good life in them (although out of style) went into a bag for Goodwill.  The rest went into my rag bin or the trash.

To celebrate the end of taking my antibiotics, cleaning my closet, and the end of my first week back, I opened a bottle of Sam Adams—my first since the holidays.

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With my chores out of the way Friday night, I decided to head to Indianapolis on Saturday for the first time since Christmas.  I did it in the name of research.

I’m still a bit nervous about being out for extended periods of time with my mild incontinence.  I want to make sure that nothing silly will happen on longer trips, so each time I go out, I try to make it a little longer just to see what happens.  So far, so good. 

I’ll have to admit that when I see a restroom, there’s a good chance that I’ll take advantage of it while I’m there.  I’m probably being a bit too cautious, but there are still a few occasions where my bladder tells me “Go NOW!” and I really don’t have a lot of time to find a bathroom.

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Sunday was a pretty quiet day around the house.  It got off to a slow start. I woke early to use the bathroom, and the next time I looked at the clock, it was after 11:00 AM!  Yikes.  I guess that first week of work and activity caught up with me.

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Work on Monday was pretty much the same as it was 8 weeks ago.  I opened my spreadsheet at 8:00 AM, started doing updates, and had my report out by mid-afternoon.  I’m not sure if it’s good to be back in the routine (rut) or not.  J 

Monday night was a bit hellish.  I just kept running to the bathroom: 12:00 AM, 1:15 AM; 2:30 AM; 4:30 AM.  When the alarm went off at 6:30 AM, I knocked it across the room and rolled over for a few extra minutes of sleep.  Next thing I know, it’s 8:00 AM.  Ooops!

Not sure why I had to run to the bathroom so many times…  I stop drinking in quantity after supper just to prevent that very thing from happening.

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After Monday night’s episode, Tuesday was a long day at work, especially considering there were two hour-and-a-half long meetings and another hour-long meeting in the day.

The day ended with a run to Kroger to restock groceries and another load of laundry (I try to do a load a night during the week so I don’t have to worry about it on the weekend).

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Wednesday started with my weekly meeting (there’s that routine (rut) thing again), and lunch was spent with a friend trying to solve the world’s problems.  No solutions.  Yet.  Another load of laundry in the evening (whites).

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And that brings us to today—Week 15.  It was another day of conference calls and meetings.  But I did try one thing different.

Many of my little incontinence episodes through the week occurred when I stood up from a seated position.  To try and minimize them, I had been standing up rather slowly, doing my best to follow my Kegel exercises and contract my muscles to prevent anything from happening.

Last night and today, I said the heck with it and just stood up.  Guess what?  I seemed to have fewer incidents.

And I'm wrapping up the evening with a load of colors in the laundry,

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All in all, it was a good week.  Things seem to keep getting better, even though the pace is slower than I’d like.  I’d also like to figure out a way to keep from running to the bathroom all night long—that’s getting a bit old and quite tiring.  Patience.

Week 14 - Lessons Learned

You’ve probably noticed the change in title for this post.  Instead of it being Day 99, it’s Week 14. 

It’s time to bring these daily missives to a close.  I mean, really.  Who’s going to care about how many spreadsheets I created at work or how many minor or major incontinence episodes I had in the day?  Because that’s about all that I’ve got to write about at this point, and I just don’t think it would be good reading. 

Besides, I need to get out from behind this damned computer and start living life—don’t ever squander second chances!

However, because I do have a loyal following, I’ll write weekly updates (unless there’s a silly relapse, then daily updates will return).  Because I learned of my cancer diagnosis on Thursday, 11 November—14 weeks ago today—I’ll do my weekly updates on Thursdays going forward.

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I started this blog for one reason: To allow me to vent and process the fact that I had cancer.  I didn’t care if one person or a hundred persons read it; the act of writing helped me think more clearly about my situation.  The fact that there have been nearly 2,500 page views from 11 countries humbles me.

As time went on, the nature of the blog shifted more to education and information sharing—perhaps too much information sharing according to a few of you.  But that was my reality at the time and you needed to understand what I was going through.  I know that reading my blog caused at least one person to make an appointment with his physician to get checked.  That, to me, makes it worth every word.

So what have I learned through this little journey?  Wow.  Where to begin?  I’ve learned that:

• Family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors come through when you really need them the most, and for that, I will be forever grateful.  Thanks everyone!
• I can’t control events, but I can do my best to control how I react to them.
• Fear and anger consume far too much energy that should otherwise be spent on getting better.
• I had to be my own advocate, researching as much as possible to be an educated patient.
• There was such a thing as doing too much research, and that I had to just stop at some point and make decisions with the knowledge that I had.
• Humor—however misguided or irreverent—had to be a part of the cure.
• This wasn’t all about me.  Those around me reacted differently and I needed to recognize, understand, and embrace that by being sensitive to their needs.
• Patience is a virtue (although not easily practiced).
• Talking openly about cancer makes it easier to deal with having cancer.
• There is no shame in having cancer.

So what will I do with my second chance?  There are plenty of clichés to tell me what to do:  Stop and smell the roses.  I hope you dance.  Live like you were dying.

Well, roses make me sneeze, and I have a court restraining order against me dancing (I sent three people to the hospital the last time I did), so that leaves living.  I think I can do that.

This journey showed me how important relationships are, and that’s something that I want to keep working on—to be a better brother, cousin, uncle, friend, neighbor, and coworker. 

It also showed a relationship gap.  I’d like to find that special someone to just share life’s experiences with, and who will be there in sickness and in health.  A line from the book, “Into the Wild,” said that “happiness isn’t real unless it’s shared.”  I’m beginning to believe that more and more.  So in addition to building on my existing relationships, I want to find the right person to share my life with. 

The final thing that I want to do with my second chance is be more impulsive (without being idiotic).  That will be the most difficult.  Don’t analyze.  Don’t evaluate.  Just act.  Do it.  Live.

Okay.  I’m not foolish enough to know that I can delete Microsoft Excel from my computer today without going through severe analysis withdrawal.  But I can at least spend only a tenth of the time doing my analysis and then go act.

Those are my learnings from having cancer.  Profound?  Probably not.  But I will close with one more cliché from a wise woman in my life:

“Life is not a dress rehearsal.”

(Thanks, Mom!  I should have listened sooner!)

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Okay.  I can’t close without at least one last comment about how things went today—actually, last night.

I went from 11:00 PM to 6:30 AM without having to get up to pee once!!  Woo-hoo!  That beats almost every other night where I’m up 2-4 times a night and sleep is a minimum.  Let’s hope for two nights in a row.

See you next Thursday!

Day 98 - Warm

Warm.  But not from a fever.  From the wonderful 65 degree weather here!  Time to open some windows.

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Again, no fever through the day, so that's reassuring that things are getting back to normal.  Also reassuring was the fact that the discomfort in my groin continues to decrease. 

I find that there's a little more spring in my step as I walk (I still can't walk at my normal "supervisor sprint" pace that I'm used to), and that standing up from a seated position is getting easier.  I'm also having fewer incontinence episodes when I stand (still requires deliberate effort to make that happen, but it's happening!).

So it's time to get away from the keyboard, open some windows, and perhaps even enjoy a bit of the evening outside before the sun sets.  Ciao!