Dan's Journey through Prostate Cancer

Month 15 - Spring Cleaning

2012-02-11T20:57:00.002-05:00

Okay, so it's mid-February and I've gotten an early jump on some serious spring cleaning. But being so active has highlighted the fact that the stress incontinence persists.

Bending, twisting, lifting, stooping, climbing, all can bring a little "surprise." And, as usual, some days seem to be better than others. If I'm going to be really active for an extended period, I find that I will revert to using the pads again. Not something that I'm thrilled about, but a necessity.

When I was at the surgeon's last month, we talked about this and he said that at a year out, there's not going to be much more improvement. In other words, this may be as good as it gets.

Disappointing? Certainly. Of course, I'd love to be 100% dry, but I guess that just isn't in the cards. So I'll adapt and learn to live with what I have. And, again, it's more of a nuisance than anything and something that I can tolerate given the alternative.

Special Post

2012-01-19T18:05:00.002-05:00

"PSA undetectable." Music to my ears!!

That was the result of my one-year post surgery PSA test, letting me know that I remain cancer-free. Needless to say that made my day.

This time I didn't get nearly as worked up emotionally waiting for the result. That doesn't mean that I didn't think about it all week long; I simply didn't wig out like I did for the six month test back in August. I guess experience is a good teacher. Besides, the results will be what they are, and there's not a thing that I can do to change them. I can only learn how to adapt to them.

So for all your continued thoughts and prayers, thanks! They've been working.

Month 14 - New Year!

2012-01-11T11:00:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! Hopefully, this year will be a bit better than last.

The holidays were generally good for me with the exception of catching a stomach bug that was going around. Let's just say that stress incontinence was the least of my worries for about 30 hours beginning at 6:00 AM on Monday, 26 December. At least mine waited to kick in. My sister and brother-in-law suffered through it beginning Christmas Eve, and my nephew's step son fell victim to the bug on Christmas day.

Later this week I get my blood drawn for my one-year PSA test. I'll get the results on 19 January, so keep your fingers crossed. I hope that I won't get as worked up about this round of tests as I did for the six month test back in August. I'm sure that I will for a little while. I mean, really, if the PSA comes back showing something, then that means the cancer is elsewhere--bones or organs--and that will be much more problematic to treat.

I'm beginning to think that I'm about as good as I'm going to get when it comes to the stress incontinence. I just haven't noticed any real improvements since the last posting or two. I'll talk to the surgeon about it when I get my results.

It's not that it's all that bad... But it's enough of a nuisance to frustrate me. Somedays are nearly perfectly dry; and then there's the off day where a pad might have been needed. Unfortunately, I can't predict how the day will go. It just happens.

So that's about it. Look for a special post next week with the PSA results.

Month 13 - Lucky Number?

2011-12-11T11:00:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting in San Diego International Airport hammering this out as I wait for my flight back to Indiana. Bah-humbug!

I had this week of vacation scheduled for nearly two months, but no real destination planned. At the last minute, I was able to get some tickets and decided to head back to the land of never-ending sunshine.

* * *

I read an interesting article this week that talked about a new program to increase prostate cancer screening and awareness among men by training barbers to talk about the topic while giving haircuts. That's an interesting approach and, if it gets a couple of guys to get checked out, then all the better.

BIOLOGY AHEAD

The last month has been good for me physically. The stress incontinence doesn't seem to be as bad when I sneeze of cough, although when I feel a sneeze or cough coming on, I do my best to tighten those pelvic floor muscles in advance, and that seems to help. I also seem to do better at controlling things while sitting; when standing or walking, it becomes more difficult and I'm likely to leak a little more.

As far as sexual function is concerned, I can feel things wanting to come back to life without chemical assistance (Cialis), but there's still a long way to go.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2011-11-24T00:30:00.000-05:00

Things I'm thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day:

Family, friends, and being cancer-free.

'Nuff said.

Happy Thanksgiving!

One Year - 11.11.11

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

Wow. Hard to believe that it was a year ago today that I was sitting in the doctor's office being told that I have cancer.

There hasn't been a day in that year that I haven't thought about cancer and the effects of its treatment. But I don't necessarily dwell on it or worry that it will come back. I think about the practical aspects of living after the prostatectomy; about educating others and increasing awareness; and about what's next in my life now that I've been given a second chance at it.

So let's break this posting into manageable chunks.

Worry about cancer returning

Nope. I can't say that I do. Getting through the six month PSA test was a bit unnerving, but the results were great. I'm sure that I'll get worked up before each future PSA test, but I think that the whole reason for having the radical prostatectomy was to get all those little bugger cancer cells out of my body, and that approach seems to have worked.

Sure, the surgeon told me that I may have a one in five chance of having the cancer come back in 10 years, but that little tidbit of information stays pretty well sequestered in the back of my brain. It doesn't rule my thoughts. It doesn't run my daily activities (but maybe it should--more on that later).

Daily Life After the Prostatectomy

Getting all of those little bugger cancer cells out of my body wasn't without costs.

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you know that I'm not 100% "dry" when it comes to the incontinence or that my sexual function has not yet returned.

The incontinence is limited to sneezing, coughing, or performing some sort of physical activity (squatting or lift something heavy at an odd angle--something my herniated lumbar discs don't appreciate, either!). It's a nuisance more than anything, but it can be a frustrating nuisance.

It's that frustration that has been gnawing away at me; my patience just isn't what it should be, I guess. Yes, the doctor told me it could take a year or better for things to get back to normal, and it's been 10 months since the surgery. My overachieving self wants perfection. NOW!

Is it so bad that I would recommend not having a radical prostatectomy to someone? No. But it is something that I would share in detail with someone who's considering his treatment options.

And that brings me to my next topic...

Educating and Increasing Awareness

Obviously, it wasn't long after the surgery that this blog turned from a means of keeping family and friends informed into something intended to educate others diagnosed with prostate cancer.

It was really helpful for me to have a couple of first-hand accounts of going through this journey, and I knew that I wanted to return the favor by sharing my experience here. If it helped just one person understand what they might encounter, then I consider this blog to be a success.

There's no shame in having cancer and, as you can tell, I have been very open about discussing my experience. (Too open, according to some.) But too many people are afraid to even utter the word "cancer," let alone have an in-depth discussion of the disease, its effects, and its treatments. Shying away from it does no one any good--the patient, his family, and his friends. Quite the contrary, for me, talking about it openly was helpful and therapeutic.

October was Breast Cancer Awareness Month and--without disparaging anyone with the disease or who has worked on a cure--it really irked me that you couldn't turn a corner without seeing something pink to increases awareness, while in September, I didn't see a single blue ribbon promoting Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. So I've kind of made it my personal mission to try to increase awareness in my little sphere of influence.

No, I don't walk up to a guy and ask, "When's the last time you had your prostate poked?" But I do let guys know that I was one who followed the rule, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," and had not been for a physical in a couple of years. I encourage them to get checked and also let them know that I'm available to talk with if they want.

What's Next?

Heck if I know. Really. And that's the one thing that's caught me off guard.

Trying to figure out what to do with this second chance at life has been an onerous task. Of course, the analytical German Capricorn in me is what's making it so onerous. Paralysis by analysis. A year has gone by and I'm still in the same place, doing the same job, and doing it alone.

Of course, there is no rule that says if you're given a second chance, you must do something different with your life...

So I've been gathering thoughts and ideas, and have been trying to prioritize them in a spreadsheet to help me find the answer to "What's next?"

But there's that little tidbit of information in the back of my brain telling me that there's a one in five chance of having the cancer come back in 10 years. Maybe I should move that tidbit to the front of my brain as a catalyst for action in both my daily life and for the long haul. Dump the spreadsheet and just do something!

* * *

One thing that will be on the agenda is to continue with monthly updates here on the 11th of each month, so stay tuned...

And speaking of the 11th, today is Veteran's Day--hug a Vet if you see one.

11.11.11

Month 11 - Colds, Allergies, Confusion & Disparity

2011-10-11T01:00:00.000-04:00

So it's hard to believe that it was a year ago last week that this adventure began with my doctor feeling a mass on my prostate during my routine physical on 7 October 2010. My how time flies when you're having fun!

* * *

So two days after last month's posting, I came down with a nasty head cold that knocked me out of commission for a week or so. On that Tuesday afternoon, I was toast and went home from work early; I stayed home Wednesday and Thursday. Friday, I dragged my butt back into the office, but that probably wasn't the wisest move, because Saturday and Sunday I was in bed the whole weekend.

Once the cold was over it seems that my seasonal allergies have managed to kick in, causing runny noses and sneezing.

BIOLOGY AHEAD

Those experience proved to be a step back as far as the ol' plumbing was concerned. With nearly every sneeze, cough, and pressure used to blow my nose, there was some leakage on the other end. It was frustrating to have to go back to wearing pads for about 10 days; I was hoping that that chapter of this story was behind me. Apparently not.

I'll have to admit that the experience was a bit depressing and made me want to have my prostate back.

Do I regret having had the surgery instead of some other treatment option? No, not really. There can be risks and side effects with each.

With the surgery, I'm cancer-free as of my last check-up. Those nasty little cells were removed from my body completely. With the seed radiation therapy, you'd know that the cancer cells are still there, and hope that the radiation is killing them faster than they're growing. Having that little cloud constantly hanging over my head would be worse than occasionally leaking pee into my shorts.

While the direct beam radiation methods have gotten much better, the idea of possibly losing control of your bowels as a result of the treatment is, again, worse than a little leak now and then.

So when I do get a bit down or frustrated by the leaks, I remember two words: Cancer-free.

Going forward, I'll just have to take more vitamins, wash my hands every ten minutes, avoid contact with any people, and stay away from pollen... :-) Okay. Perhaps a bit extreme. I'll take care and keep a stock of pads on hand instead. And keep doing my pelvic floor exercises.

* * *

Of course, after going through all of that, I really didn't need to get confused by this recent story about the effectiveness of using the PSA test for prostate cancer screening:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/06/health/prostate-screening/index.html?iref=allsearch

Just in case the link doesn't work (not sure how long CNN keeps it up), here's the text from the article:

(CNN) -- The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force, the group that told women in their 40s that they don't need mammograms, will soon recommend that men not get screened for prostate cancer, according to a source privy to the task force deliberations.

The task force is set to recommend a "D" rating for prostate specific antigen, or PSA, testing. Such a rating means "there is moderate or high certainty that the service has no net benefit or that the harms outweigh the benefits," according to the group's website. The task force is set to propose this recommendation Tuesday, and then allow for a comment period before issuing a final recommendation.

According to a draft copy of a report released Friday, a review of studies shows screening with the PSA blood test results in "small or no reduction" in prostate cancer deaths.

The report adds that PSA testing is "associated with harms related to subsequent evaluation and treatments."

The PSA test, which is sometimes accompanied by a digital rectal exam, can help determine if a man has prostate cancer. The problem is that many of the cancers that get detected are so small and slow-growing, they'll never be harmful, and doctors have a difficult time discerning the quick, harmful cancers from the slow, harmless ones.

If you test 100 men over age 50, 17 of them will have prostate cancer, and only three of those will have a fast-growing cancer and die of the disease, according to Dr. Kenneth Lin, senior author of the paper.

If the 14 men with the slow-growing cancers are treated, they could be rendered impotent or incontinent from the treatment; or worse, the treatment could kill them. About one in 500 men who has a radical prostatectomy will die because of complications of the surgery, according to Lin.
Some prostate cancer patients were disappointed with the task force's decision.

A spokesman for the Prostate Cancer Foundation called the proposed recommendation "a tremendous mistake."

"You're talking to someone whose life was saved by [the PSA test]," Dan Zenka said.
But Lin says he believes testing does more harm than good.

"Maybe you should get tested if you have this horrible family history where everyone gets prostate cancer before the age of 50. But for most men, testing is harmful," he said.

Until last year, Lin worked with the Preventive Services Task Force as a medical officer for the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. He says the task force voted in 2009 to give PSA screening a "D" rating, but it didn't announce it because of the uproar over the mammogram recommendation.

"I was so frustrated with the political interference, and this was the final straw," said Lin, who left the group in November and is now an assistant professor of family medicine at Georgetown University Medical Center.

CNN's Jennifer Bixler and Aaron Cooper contributed to this report.

I'm not sure how to take that report, especially on top of my experiences over the last month.

I disagree that the test itself is harmful. It's a simple blood test. It's the results of the test that can cause issues.

Knowing that you have an elevated PSA reading will likely cause some emotional strain, but is it better to bury your head in the sand and not know that cancer may be alive and well within your body? Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but I don't think most men would think so in this case.

It's what you do with the PSA results that can cause the harm. Perhaps if you had an elevated PSA without any mass felt during a DRE, you may want to wait and monitor your PSA over a period of time.

In my case, my doctors felt a sizeable mass on my prostate despite a relatively low PSA reading (5.0). My prostate weighed 70 grams on removal; a normal prostate weighs 40-45 grams. I was told the cancer was a slow-growing type (Gleason 3+3 = 6) but how much longer could I have gone without having the cancer escape my prostate and spread to my lymph system, bones, or organs given the size of the tumor? Who knows.

Could I have waited a little longer between diagnosis and surgery (11/11/10 to 1/4/11) to see what would happen? Perhaps. Should I have? I don't know.

If I apply the definition used in the article, I guess I have been "harmed." I have minor stress incontinence and my sexual function has yet to return. But for me, I can live with being "harmed" in return for being cancer-free ("live" being the operable word).

The only thing that I can say is that each case is unique, and each man's tolerance for risk is different. In my case, I can say with confidence that I made the correct choice for me and my circumstances. Is my choice the right choice for someone else? That's not for me to say.

The one thing that is good about that article is the fact that it really makes you think about ALL of the options that are out there. Still, that can be very confusing, so take the time that you need to evaluate what will work best for you. But if you can analyze something until the 12th of Never, you also need to recognize that, at some point, you need to make a choice. If you've done your homework, it will be the right choice for you.

* * *

One in six men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer, and one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer, and there's a huge disparity in the amount of press each receive.

Last month was National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month, and I searched the archives of the Indianapolis Star to see how they covered it:

There were only three articles that referenced prostate cancer; one was an obituary and another was a two-line announcement of screenings being offered at a local hospital.

Here's a snapshot of today's Indy Star during Breast Cancer Awareness Month:

A slight difference?

Don't get me wrong. No one should have to introduce the word "cancer" into their daily vocabulary, male or female, and I'm not trying to discount all the wonderful efforts that have been made over the years to find a cure for breast cancer. But seeing as prostate cancer will affect more men than breast cancer will affect women, I'd like to see at least a little more attention, awareness, and research paid to a cure for prostate cancer so that someday it's on a par with that given to breast cancer.

Call me childish. Call me bitter. Or just understand that I'm trying to do my part to advance the cause.

Month 10 - Reflection

2011-09-11T22:54:00.000-04:00

Remember all those lost on this day 10 years ago.

And remember all those who have sacrificed so much bringing those responsible to justice.

* * *

September is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month

Nearly one in six men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime. If you have a family member who has had prostate cancer, your chances of developing the disease increase significantly.

Do yourself and your family a favor: Don't put off getting checked.

Month 9 - Still Cancer Free!

2011-08-11T19:52:00.003-04:00

Well, the headline just about says it all. My PSA test came back undetectable!! Woo-freakin'-hoo!

I have to admit that I really let this get to me over the last few days. I was distracted and grumpy pretty much all week long as I thought about the "What if....?"

If the results came back showing an elevated PSA, that would mean a whole new ball game. The PSA test is sensitive enough to detect the presence of cells containing the antigen, and those cells could be anywhere: the prostate bed (where the prostate used to be), the bones, the organs, the lymph system--anywhere.

So even though a PSA test can indicate the presence of cancerous cells, it doesn't tell us where they are. We'd have to wait for the cells to multiply enough to where they may show up on an MRI, CT scan, or bone scan. So selecting the right treatment option with the least short- and long-term side effects can be a real crap shoot.

Knowing that is why I haven't slept solidly since Saturday night.

The one thing that surprised me during the visit with the surgeon this afternoon was that he performed another DRE. And I joked with him that he must be giving wicked DRE's because there were smelling salts taped to the exam room wall. "Just bend over and lean on the table," he replied.

He wanted to make sure that nothing was growing inside that we needed to be concerned about. There wasn't. I appreciate his thoroughness.

So we go through this exercise again on Ground Hog Day (2.2.12) for the PSA test and the results on 2.9.12.

So I'll close with my version of a different kind of PSA (Public Service Announcement, not Prostate Specific Antigens):

* * *

September is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month!

Guys (and gals who love their guys), remember that September is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month.

When's the last time you had your PSA tested or your prostate poked? If you can't remember, then it's time to schedule an appointment with your favorite small-fingered doctor.

Thirty seconds of discomfort and a blood test saved my life. They can save your life, too!

If you want to learn more about prostate cancer causes, prevention, and treatment, this book was particularly helpful in educating me:

Dr. Patrick Walsh's Guide fo Surviving Prostate Cancer

Month 8 - New Schedule

2011-07-11T18:16:00.001-04:00

It was 8 months ago today that I received my cancer diagnosis (the last post was the 6-month anniversary of the surgery), and things are going well enough that you can tell I'm struggling to come up with things of interest for a weekly post.

So based on that, I think it's time that I switch to a monthly update; look for them on the 11th of each month. Of course, if there's anything of any great importance that pops up, I'll let you know through email and a posting here.

Next month's update just happens to be on the same day that I get my PSA results, so that will certainly be a newsworthy day.

BIOLOGY AHEAD

The only thing of note is that my allergies seem to be kicking in this summer, and that means that if I have a sudden sneeze, I have an equal and opposite reaction on the other end. We'll see how that plays out through the rest of the summer. I'm not sure that I want to be in a Benadryl haze or go back to wearing pads, but if I have to, I have to. Oh well.

Six Months - Happy Independence Day!

2011-07-04T15:14:00.003-04:00

Special Post

Wow. Hard to believe that it was six months ago today that I was being wheeled into surgery on a competitor's stretcher!

Friday, I had an appointment with my personal physician to just follow up on all that's happened in those six months. She was pleased with my progress and outcome and really had no significant concerns or suggestions for me.

In some ways, I was tempted to have her run a PSA test on me, but I'll be patient and wait for the 4 August 2011 appointment and the results on 11 August. The surgeon really wanted to use the same lab to make sure that the process allowed for an apples-to-apples comparison with the February test results.

Another reason not to do it last Friday was insurance. I'm still fighting with the hospital and insurance company over the second stay in January, and the last thing I need is for them to question why I have two PSA tests within a month of each other. That would take until 2027 to resolve. :-)

Finally, I added a new page to the blog, "Life After Prostatectomy." It's really intended for fellow prostate cancer patients, as it's an open discussion of my experience with incontinence and sexual function. If you don't want to know about that kind of thing, don't read it! :-)

So that's it on this six-month anniversary. More on Thursday.

Week 33 - Regression

2011-06-30T21:42:00.000-04:00

So it's been a quiet week again... Same routine at work with not much new to report.

BIOLOGY AHEAD

A few weeks ago, I reported that the itchy feeling in my urethra--that gave me the near constant urge to urinate--had finally gone away. It's been back again for the last few days. I'm not sure what that means other than it may be a dip in the roller coaster ride that the surgeon forewarned me about months ago.

I'm not overly concerned about it for now. It's still just a nuisance. No pads are needed--I just run to the bathroom more than I really need to just to be safe.

Just before my surgery, my family physician scheduled a 6-month follow-up visit with her, and that appointment is tomorrow morning. I'll mention it to her, but I really don't expect that she'll say much other than "talk to the surgeon."

In some ways, I'd like her to take the blood sample for the PSA test tomorrow, but the surgeon was pretty adamant about his office / lab doing the testing. He wanted to make sure that the same lab did all the tests to eliminate possible inconsistencies between lab procedures that could alter the results. That, or he's looking for a couple of hundred bucks for the test and consultation. :)

Week 32 - Ho-hum

2011-06-23T22:46:00.000-04:00

Yep. Another quite week here in the cornfields. At least as far as my recovery is concerned (no biology updates needed). As far as work, well....

My boss was on vacation this week, so I was his designated back-up. Between his scheduled meetings and my own, I spent from 7 AM to 3 PM in back to back meetings--even one that ran through lunch (11-1). Ugh.

We also said good-bye to another coworker who opted to head to Seattle and a new opportunity there.

Maybe I should start a countdown... 7 weeks from today, I should have my next PSA results. That's not all that far off.

So that's about it from here for now.

Week 31 - Bad Habits

2011-06-17T18:09:00.001-04:00

Okay, I'm back in my bad habit of being late on my posting. Last night was another farewell party for a coworker who's decided to pursue another opportunity, so I wasn't thinking much about updating my blog.

This is the third person (out of six in that role) that has left since the end of March. I don't know that I need to say anything more about what's happening at work.

It actually was a pretty boring week here in the heartland. Not much to report--not even on the biology front. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't switch to a monthly format.

I may hold off on that until my next PSA test which is scheduled for 4 August, with the results appointment on 11 August. Assuming everything's okay then, it may be time to just bring this journey to a close.

Thoughts from the peanut gallery? :-)

Week 30 - On Time!

2011-06-09T18:00:00.001-04:00

Yea! I remembered to update my blog on time this week! Woo-hoo! Of course, it helps that I'm sitting at home instead of in some airport terminal or on the road.

Yesterday I received a surprise call from the hospital I was in. "Will you need financial assistance to pay off your $14,000 balance?"

"HUH?!?!?"

I'm still battling with the insurance and hospital over my second admission back in January. Anthem says they didn't do a pre-authorization for my trip to the emergency room, so therefore they're not going to pay until they get the medical records to review. I've been on the phone with the hospital several times over the last few months to try to get them to do that, and it hasn't happened yet.

Then when I got home today, there was a bill in the mail from the X-ray service provider marked in big bold "PAST DUE." I had spoken with them and they put my account on hold the last time we talked, pending the resolution with the Anthem.

ARGGHHH.

And that's all that I've got to say about that.

BIOLOGY AHEAD

One of the things that happened to me after the surgery was having a near constant irritation or itching in my urethra that gave me the sensation that I had to go to the bathroom nearly all the time. I'd make frequent trips to the bathroom even though my bladder was relatively empty. It got to be a bit annoying to say the least.

In the last week, that sensation has been greatly reduced for whatever reason. As a result, I'm running to the bathroom less and feeling much more confident as I move around. I hope that keeps up.

Week 29 - Grandson of Oops!

2011-06-04T15:05:00.000-04:00

Man, I'm really slipping here, aren't I???

No, I wasn't traveling this week--finally. I think I just got wrapped up in getting caught up from all the recent trips that I've made, plus work has been keeping me busy as we put the finishing touches on our first draft of our FY 2012 business plan. In other words, I've been living in my spreadsheet.

That said, we reset our vacation calendar on 1 June, so I'm back to having 4 weeks of vacation on the books! Woo-hoo! :-) Nothing planned yet, but wait...

BIOLOGY AHEAD

Not much has changed on that front, either. Been pretty "dry" as of late, forgoing the pads for nearly a month now, except when I know I'm going to be much more active than I usually am. I'm walking home for lunch (one mile each way) when the weather and my meeting schedule cooperates in order to help build up more control.

On the whole, things continue their slow and steady improvement.

Week 28.7 - Son of Oops!

2011-05-31T17:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm bad. I was traveling again last Thursday (and through last night) and spaced doing my update until I was prompted by an email from a friend yesterday.

Perhaps I need to get on a monthly schedule now that things seem to have calmed down for the most part.

Although I'll have to admit that, after writing the last update to this blog, boasting about going padless for several weeks, I went outside to pull a few overgrown shrubs out of the landscaping in the front yard and found that heavy physical activity can cause leaks. But other than that, I remain relatively "dry" through normal daily activities. Guess I just need to get a bit more active so my muscles can adapt and get stronger.

Week 27 - Windy City

2011-05-19T18:23:00.000-04:00

Yes, I've been on the road yet again. This time, it was back to Chicago for my oldest nephew's wedding on Sunday.

It was a very nice, small affair in an intimate chapel followed by dinner and one of their favorite restaurants. The wacky Chicago spring weather could have cooperated a bit more. Overcast, windy, cold (40-degrees) and rain before the ceremony. Just overcast, windy, and cold after the ceremony.

Of course, with the wedding on Sunday, that meant that I just had to take another vacation day on Monday.

After having lunch with my sister, I took the scenic route back, stopping in the town of Warsaw, Indiana to check out a lakefront home of one of the relatives. Very nice. I contacted a friend in nearby Ft. Wayne to see if she might be available for dinner, but she was already booked. (That's one of the problems with spur-of-the-moment ideas--not everything works out.)

Work has been busy as we're preparing the FY 2012 budget plan. That meant another couple of days buried in my mega-spreadsheet. (With more to come.)

BIOLOGY AHEAD

The incontinence continues to improve to the point where I've not worn a pad since the wedding on Sunday (and that was for insurance purposes). No incidents at home or work, so that's good. Still, I find myself running to the bathroom more frequently just to drain my bladder and make sure that there's only minimal "ammunition" available for a leak should one occur. Given a bit more time, the confidence level will go up.

So that's it for this week.

Week 26 - Oops!!

2011-05-13T16:56:00.000-04:00

Oops. I forgot to post an update last night. Not to worry. All is well.

I was, in fact, just returning from another trip. This time it was for work, visiting a supplier in the greater Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area. It was a good conference that even included a trip to PNC Park to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates baseball team get defeated by the Los Angeles Dodgers on a perfect weather spring night. The last time I had been to a professional baseball game was in 1977 when I was in Seattle on a training cruise. We saw the Mariners play in the King Dome.

Now that the weather has gotten better (far less rain), I’ve started walking the mile home for lunch. It gets me out from behind the computer for 20 minutes each way, and will hopefully begin to pay off in being just a little bit more fit.

Today, the 13^th, is the 15^th anniversary of my joining my current employer. My boss put together a great little ceremony this morning to mark the occasion. It was very much in the format of “This Is Your Life.” I was afraid of what was going to pop up next on the screen.

BIOLOGY AHEAD

As far as the incontinence is concerned, it’s finally turning the corner.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, I went without wearing any pads and did quite well. I had a minor incident where I was in a garden filled with blooming flowers and my allergies kicked in. I sneezed and leaked. Tuesday evening, however, things deteriorated a little and I was back wearing a pad. I guess my body was just tired.

Wednesday and Thursday at the conference I wore pads more for insurance than anything else. I think I could have gotten away without. (Except Wednesday night when a few of us went to a bar after the game. After midnight, my body was getting tired and I’m glad I was wearing the pad. Throw in a couple of beers, and that was even more reason to wear one.)

Today I’ve spent the day without one and have done fine so far.

I’ll have to admit that I’m a bit more cautious in how I move without a pad in place than I am when I am wearing one. Having a pad can act a bit like a crutch. It makes me a little less apt to try and control my pelvic floor muscles consciously.

So I'm really pleased that things continue to improve.

Week 25 - Another Ocean

2011-05-05T20:50:00.000-04:00

First, apologies for last week's truncated post. I started it on Tuesday, forgot about it on Wednesday, and just hit the "Publish Post" button on Thursday as I was sitting on the beach in Coronado, California.

Yep. I spread my wings and took my first post-surgery flight to San Diego on Wednesday night for a five day weekend in paradise. Two weeks ago, I was pretty much on the Atlantic Ocean; this week, the Pacific.

I stayed near my old apartment on the island and just spent Thursday and Friday walking up and down Orange Avenue and the beach. It was great. Very relaxing. On Saturday, I checked out of the hotel and spent the next two nights with some friends that I served with when I was in the Navy. It was great to see them again.

Photos are available via the link to the right and below.

* * *

BIOLOGY AHEAD

I did have some concerns over getting through security at the airport with an absorbant pad shoved down my pants in case I got the full body scanner treatment, so I took a chance and went to the airport without wearing one.

As fate would have it, I did get the full body scanner screening and made it through just fine without it. Afterwards, I asked the TSA agent what would happen if I had to wear the pad through the scanner. He explained that I would be taking into a private screening area and be given a more thorough personal screening in there.

Even though I had extra pads in my carry-on bag, I opted not to wear one during the entire flight and, save a cough-induced leak, did quite well.

For the return trip, I did the same thing, but I could tell that it might be a leaky day, so I took a pad out of my carry-on, hit the men's room, and put it in place.

Walking several miles in an afternoon didn't seem to bother me too much at all. I need to do more of that if the rain around here would only stop.

Things are getting better with time...

So that's it for this week.

Week 24 - Soggy

2011-04-28T20:12:00.000-04:00

And, no, I'm not talking about my incontinence....

We've had rain and storms for 9 of the last 10 days, putting us well above our average rainfall for April (3 inches/8 cm)--we've had over 12 inches/30.5 cm so far and the month isn't even over!! In fact, it's the rainiest month on record for Cincinnati--ever.

Needless to say, everyone's getting a little fed up with the weather lately. I spent pretty much the entire three-day Easter weekend hanging out around the house.

Week 23 - Road Trip

2011-04-21T18:21:00.000-04:00

Most of the last week has been spent on the road. Yep. I managed to take my first post-surgery road trip and it went pretty well.

I actually left on Wednesday night (and used the scheduling feature to automatically post my blog post on Thursday) and headed south into Kentucky. I spent the night in London, KY and Thursday morning headed to Cumberland Gap National Park. The dogwoods and redbuds were in full bloom, so there were explosions of white, pink, and purple mixed into the forests that were just beginning to turn green.

I stopped at the Abraham Lincoln Museum on the campus of Lincoln Memorial Universaity in the tiny town of Harrogate, TN before heading off to Charlottesville, VA to visit Thomas Jefferson's home at Monticello. Impressive.

From there, I became reacquainted with the Beltway traffic in the greater Washington, DC area as I visited a former coworker and her husband, and a college/Navy buddy whom I hadn't seen since around 1989 (we guessed).

On Saturday, we hit the Museum of American History (part of the Smithsonian) and saw the Abraham Lincoln exhibit; the actual Star Spangled Banner that was flying over Ft. McHenry and inspired Francis Scott Key to write his poem; and saw the ruby red slippers that Judy Garland wore in the "Wizard of Oz."

On the way home, I stopped to see Frank Lloyd Wright's masterpiece, Fallingwater, in Mill Run, PA. Awesome. I spent the night near Pittsburgh and then headed home Tuesday afternoon.

You can check out photos from the trip using the link to my photos to the right. (Don't worry--there's only 43 of them!)

* * *

BIOLOGY AHEAD

Physically, I did pretty well most days on the trip. I could tell that I need to walk more to build up my endurance. Most of the days, the incontinence was minimal, but there were one or two days where, after an extended period of walking around all day long, my body got tired and the minor leaks increased. Again, take it gradually and build up my strength.

* * *

Finally, it's been a sad day, as today marks the fifth anniversary of Mom's passing... We miss you, Mom.

Week 22 - Sneezy

2011-04-14T18:00:00.038-04:00

Funny. I'm struggling to come up with anything of real interest that happened in the last week.

Friday my head got all stopped up again, but I think it was from the explosion of pollen in the area. Nearly every fruit-bearing tree is in full bloom, lawns are being mowed, and trees are popping leaves. My allergies just didn't like it at all, I'm guessing.

Saturday rained a good chunk of the day so I spent the day indoors working on my spreadsheet for work. Yes, I'm not keen on working at home on the weekend, but sometimes I can get more done in four hours at home with no interruptions than I can in eight hours at work with all the distractions.

Sunday broke temperature records here--we hit 85 degrees. I had opened the windows and I think Saturday's rain knocked down some of the pollen.

I tossed and turned Sunday night because it was a balmy 74 degrees when I went to bed. The comforter was peeled off and I seriously debated turning on the air conditioning. I left my window wide open and brought in a fan instead. That helped cool things down a little.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday--all pretty routine days at work.

BIOLOGY AHEAD

I did see the optometrist on Friday and he gave my eyes a clean bill of health. No signs of glaucoma, cataracts, or optic nerve damage. It was the last that I was worried about from taking the Cialis. He was okay with me resuming it, but after his comments about "catastrophic vision loss," should something happen, I'm not so sure I want to take the risk. He had never seen or heard of someone who went through that, so the likelihood is "infinitessimally small." But when you only have one set of eyes and the damage is irreversible... Gives one something to think about.

The incontinence over the weekend and early this week was minimal. In fact, I went the whole weekend without guards except for about 6 hours Saturday evening. I had a giant pollen-induced sneeze that caused me to leak enough to warrant changing clothes and put a guard in place.

But Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were all decent days. Let's hope the trend continues.

Week 21 - Puzzled

2011-04-07T19:53:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the later-than-usual posting... It was so nice, I drove to Cincinnati for dinner and a little shopping.

* * *

A while ago, a friend at work told me how he liked to work on jigsaw puzzles. I had an old puzzle that was of a topographic map of Yosemite National Park--no easy task to complete with all the contour lines and similar colors.

When he returned it, he gave me one of his puzzles to do. It was a brilliantly colored image of birds in a tropical rain forest. I started on the puzzle about 5 weeks ago, getting the border in place and some of the inner pieces put together.

Sunday evening, I decided to tackle the puzzle in earnest while I was doing a load of laundry after dinner. The next thing I know, it was 11:00 PM and I was only about 40% done. I returned to the puzzle Monday night after dinner and kept at it. When it was nearly 11:00 PM again, I only had 30-40 pieces to go, so I kept at it. I finished it shortly after midnight.

I'll have to admit that the last time I did a jigsaw puzzle was the Yosemite Puzzle when I was living in San Diego in the late 1980's. It was fun, frustrating, annoying, and a great diversion from work, the Internet, and television. Plus, you actually get to see what you accomplish each time you sit at the table.

* * *

My spring cleaning bug has continued, at least on the inside. I really need to get outside and do some work around the yard. The weather has been a bit whacky thought--warm, cold, sunny, rainy, windy. This weekend is supposed to be in the low 80's already.

* * *

I'll have to admit that I've been a rather withdrawn and reflective mood as of late. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's the approaching five-year anniversary of my mom's death; or some of the challenges at work; or just trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I don't know. Puzzling, eh?

* * *

BIOLOGY AHEAD

I continue to ride the incontinence roller coaster. Yesterday and today have been two of my better days, and I probably could have gotten away without using pads. Monday, I wasn't so lucky.

When I compare the nuisance of having to wear a pad versus dying from cancer, I'll put up with the nuisance every time. Of course, in a perfect world, I'd be dry (in prostate cancer lingo), padless, cancer-free, have a full head of hair, and be a Powerball winner.

On the really positive side, I can pretty much sleep through the night pad-free now. That's a good thing. Of course, when you stay up doing puzzles till midnight, that means I only have to make it through 5-6 hours.

Tomorrow's the optometrist appointment and I'll learn if I can resume the Cialis.

Week 20 - Spring Cleaning

2011-03-31T18:00:00.017-04:00

Success.

You already know I'm a spreadsheet geek, so it wouldn't be a surprise that I created a monster spreadsheet about two years ago to manage the program I'm in charge of at work. Well, our new leadership wanted to see our numbers presented in a different way, so that caused me about 25 - 30 hours worth of work restructuring the spreadsheet to meet the new requirements. (Told you it was a monster!)

Anyhow, by Friday morning, I had completed it and it tied off dollar-for-dollar with the old spreadsheet. I let out a not-so-quiet "Woo-hoo!!!" when I finished the validation. At the end of the day, I wound up at the local watering hole celebrating with two of our financial analysts. I'm now an official honorary Finance geek. But an old one. Their combined ages was still less than my age. Ugh.

* * *

For some reason, over the last few days I've had a spring cleaning bug. Unfortunately, the more I cleaned, the bigger the mess I had. That's not how it's supposed to work.

It started on Saturday with me searching for something in my file cabinet. The next thing you know, it looked like a paper explosion hit my home office. I had crap everywhere. Old bills, reports, notes from grad school--you name it, it was there.

I fired up the shredder and got rid of a lot of it, and reorganized what was left. I still had a stack to shred on Wednesday night.

Saturday, I also got out and messed around with a little photography for the first time in a long time. It was sunny, but colder than I expected, so I didn't stay out too long.

* * *

Sunday was tax day. I had started them in late January/early February when I was still on leave, but sat on them until now (in part, because the IRS wasn't accepting itemized returns until after mid-February.) I'm glad to have that monkey off my back.

* * *

BIOLOGY AHEAD!

Healthwise, I'm doing okay. The head cold I had as all but gone away. I still have a little tickle in my throat that will cause me to cough now and again (and the associated equal but opposite reaction down below). Others who had the same cold said it took about two weeks for it to fully clear.

The incontinence continues to improve. Not as fast as I'd like, but it's getting better, slowly but surely. In fact, I spent Sunday around the house doing taxes and some other odds and ends, and I did it without wearing an absorbant pad all day long. I found myself moving just a little more carefully to make sure that nothing happened, and it didn't. Monday at work, I probably could have gotten away without the pads; Tuesday, probably not. I can still get through the night without them.

And speaking of getting through the night... The multiple runs to the bathroom throught he middle of the night have all but stopped (except when I'm stupid and drink too much too close to bedtime). That makes me a much more pleasant person during the day when compared to the sleep-deprived version of me.

Next week I finally have my appointment with the optometrist to check my eyes. You may recall that I stopped taking the Cialis because listed side effects were blurred or complete loss of vision. I'm not sure if he'll be able to tie the two together or not--or if it's just the fact that I spend 25-30 hours looking at one spreadsheet!

So that's been the last week.

Week 19 - Almost Forgot!

2011-03-24T20:18:00.000-04:00

Dang. I almost forgot to post something this week! Sheesh.

So the head cold that I told you about last week kicked in full-force. I missed work on Friday and spend the entire day in bed. Saturday and half of Sunday, too. I've had worse, but I'll have to admit that the post-surgery side effects made this one a little different. Nearly everytime I coughed, sneezed, or blew my nose, I had an equal but opposite reaction at the other end. Not fun.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday weren't too bad at work. Each day was a little better. I think letting my body have all that rest over the weekend was a good thing--it put the cold behind me for the most part.

The weather here had been great up until yesterday--a balmy 74 degrees. Then the storm came through and it was 32 and snowing this morning on the way to work. Ugh. March in Indiana. It's supposed to stay cold through the weekend.

I did talk to another prostate cancer survivor at work yesterday, and we compared notes. He went through the full-blown slice you from your navel to the pelvic bone surgery 5 years ago. He reminded me to keep doing my Kegel exercises and to be patient. He still does his every day 5 years later. It will get better. I sure hope so. He also reminded me that it beats the alternative.

He also told me that he hadn't been to the doctor "in 20 years" prior to a free wellness screening offered at work. That's how they discovered his cancer--an elevated PSA test. His family physician had him wait a couple of months and retested, and the PSA was higher and that caused them to do the biopsy that confirmed the cancer. He said had it not been for the wellness screening, he wouldn't be around to have this conversation.

So guys reading this: Once again, get tested! Especially if it's been a year or two or twenty.

Have I made the leap on a new car yet? Nope. The head cold kind of put that on the back burner.

So that's about it from here. I think if the weather's going to be as bad as they say it is this weekend, I feel a date with the IRS and Indiana Dept. of Revenue is in the works. I need to finish and file taxes.

Week 18 - Everyone's Irish Today!

2011-03-17T18:00:00.005-04:00

So I'm writing this on Wednesday night because it's supposed to be 70 degrees here for St. Patrick's Day tomorrow. I have a funny feeling that I may not be available to put this together tomorrow night. Something was said about green beer after work tomorrow... (Where's that catheter and two liter drainage bag when you really need it?!?)

It must have been a pretty boring week, because I'm struggling to come up with anything of interest. Oh. I continued to kick tires on new vehicles.

When I dropped off the car that I was allowed to take home on Thursday night, I asked if I could take a different model home on Friday night. "No problem." Off I went, in another new vehicle on just a handshake.

Have I made a commitment yet? Nope. Not yet. The salesman worked up a price on the second car (much more of a joy to drive), but we're going to have to put some negotiating skills to use before signing on any dotted lines. Plus, selecting the right options is akin to selecting a surgeon. (Yes, only I can make a decision that painful!)

* * *

Both at work and at home, I've been playing with a lot of data and computer files this week. I'm overhauling a massive spreadsheet that I use at work to accommodate a new reporting format, and I've probably got 25 hours invested in updating it, and I'm still only about halfway through it. Fun.

* * *

BIOLOGY AHEAD

About 48 hours ago, I noticed that I was getting a little bit of a sore throat, and it's continued to intensify since Monday night. Luckily, there's no serious coughing or congestion with it. If there was, I'd be in trouble. Every time I cough, I leak. Every time I blow my nose, I leak. (You've seen my nose. It takes considerable force to clear that puppy!)

There has been a good side to the sore throat. I've taken NyQuil the last two nights, and I've slept from about 10:30 PM to 6:30 AM without interruption! And without incident! That makes me hopeful that I'll get back to a more normal sleep pattern eventually. And, no, I won't turn into a NyQuil junkie--I value my liver too much.

Otherwise, I'm doing fine and more than ready for Spring to finally arrive.

So that's it on this St. Patrick's Day Eve. Enjoy!

Week 17 - On Track

2011-03-10T20:16:00.000-05:00

Hello again, everyone!

It's been a pretty good week. Work has been hectic and I think I'm finally settled back into the routine, as "routine" as things are these days.

On Sunday, I made a trip to Chicago and back to attend the visitation for my brother-in-law's mother; she passed away on Thursday after 88 years on this Earth.

Both my sister and brother-in-law instructed me not to make the 4-hour drive because the weather Saturday night was crappy--rain, freezing rain, and snow. Oh. And because I wasn't "normal." :-) I guess they meant that I haven't fully recovered from the surgery.

I told them I'd check the weather in the morning, and if it looked good, I'd come up anyway. I wanted to be there to support them (and to prove that I am "normal"). Everyone was surprised to see me and told me how well I looked (I need to buy them glasses). I guess people think that I should look differently as a cancer patient. Maybe it's that stereotypical image of the patient who's gone through chemo or raditation that gets lodged in people's minds. I don't know. Regardless, they were all glad to see that I was doing well and up and about.

I did stop for a good ol' Chicago Italian beef sandwich on the way out of town. Mmmm-mmmm. No one around here makes a sandwich like that!

So it made for a long day--4 hours up, 3 hours there, and 4 hours back--but I'm glad I did it. It was a good test to prove that I can travel some again. It wasn't without its differences though. Before the surgery, I'd typically just make one "pit stop" at a rest area, but on both trips I had to make three. No biggy.

* * *

BIOLOGY REFERENCES AHEAD

From the incontence perspective, it was a week where I don't feel as though I made much progress. In fact, on Saturday, it seemed like a setback.

I was just working in my home office on some things for work, and it seemed that no matter what I did, I sprung a leak. Blinked an eye. Leaked. Reached for a pen. Leaked. Stood up. Leaked. Hair fell out of my balding head. Leaked. I was quite annoyed at the situation and even a bit worried about what would happen on the trip to Chicago the next day.

Nothing. Nothing happened. I had one of my driest days in a while on the trip up and back. Go figure. Monday was fine. Tuesday was fine during the day, but Tuesday night, I was doing chores around the house and it was Saturday all over again.

* * *

One of the reasons I'm posting this later than I planned was that I had my follow-up appointment with the surgeon late this afternoon.

We reviewed my case and he says that I'm on track and nothing seems out of the ordinary:

The 2-4 trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night are typical for the first 6 months.
The increased leakage late in the day is normal as the body is fatigued.
There will be good days/weeks and worse days/weeks.

All-in-all, he was pleased with my progress and reminded me that the infection really did a number on my system, slowing the normal recovery process. We've scheduled the 6 month PSA test for 4 August and another follow-up for 11 August to get those results. Hope for another undetectable reading.

* * *

POTENTIAL PURCHASING REFERENCE AHEAD

Okay. Another reason that this is a later than usual posting is, after the doctor's appointment, I stopped by my favorite car dealer to take a spin in a car that they've got on the lot that I've had my eye on for a while now.

Rather than have me take it for a normal test drive, the salesman let me take it home overnight. I told him that I have to stick around the house tomorrow for a delivery, and that I may not be able to make it back by their 6 PM closing time tomorrow night. "That's okay. Just bring it back Saturday morning," he said. Pretty nice of them. (One of the reasons it's my favorite car dealer.)

It's a pretty sweet ride, but I'm not sure I'm going to make the leap on that particular car. (It's a different model than my current car, and I wanted to check it out because I really haven't had any experience in that model.) We'll see.

And, no, this isn't a true impulse buy--I've been thinking about this well before the surgery. Of course, that assumes that I go forward with either model. When it comes to something like this, I'm never impulsive! I think I annoyed the crap out of the salesman who sold me my car 6 years ago for nearly 18 months. :-(

So that's it for this update.

Week 16 - Making Progress

2011-03-03T18:00:00.009-05:00

Last week when I wrote my first weekly posting, I actually came home each night and jotted down the notes from the day. In essence, I was keeping my blog going each night without publishing it. That kind of defeated the purpose of going to a weekly update so I could have more time to play.

This week is different--it's all from memory. Of course, I can't remember what I had for lunch, so this will be a short blog.

I'll begin with general stuff, and then get into some detailed biology (a word of warning to those whose minds aren't so inquiring).

* * *

It's good to be able to get around more. On the weekends, I've been able to get out and do things that I haven't done in a long time. I ran to Jungle Jim's International Market in Cincinnati and one of the salesmen there convinced me to try Grimbergen Double Ale--a Belgian beer. Very nice. (He had to twist my arm--hard!)

I also managed to test drive a couple of cars on Saturday, thinking that I may deserve a "Life-is-too-short-and-I-kicked-cancer's-ass" present for myself. Of course, a week earlier, my sister reminded me that people who go through major life events--like cancer--shouldn't make any major decisions for at least a year. I'll give her advice due consideration. Alpine White or Black Saphire Metallic? J

I enjoy seeing the people at work again, but I think I returned at a crazy time. There's a lot of new activity happening since I was out, and that makes getting caught up and refocused a bit more challenging.

I've been able to reconnect with folks over lunch or dinner, and that's been good (although it takes me off my post-cancer diet sometimes--I really am trying to eat more healthful foods!).

My boss was a bit surprised when I reminded him last Friday that I have 10 vacation days remaining that I have to use before 31 May. I'm working on plans on how to use them. I don't see a European adventure in my immediate future. I'm not quite up to that physically right now.

* * *

BIOLOGY AHEAD!

On the recovery front, things are progressing steadily. With the incontinence, each day seems to be a little better than the one before, and as long as I continue to see progress, I'm happy. Of course, there are moments of regression that temporarily annoy me.

I feel as though I'm getting closer to the day where I may be able to abandon the absorbent guards that I use. In fact, since the weekend, I've stopped using them at night without incident and, on Sunday, I went without during the day as I did things around the house. I had only one minor incident. It's still premature for me to go without at work--I'm more active there than here at home.

I do notice that later in the day the number of incidents seems to increase. Perhaps it's just that my body is tired after the long day, or perhaps it's because I've been drinking water all day long, or perhaps a combination of both.

I still have nights (like last night) where I'm running to the bathroom 3-4 times through the night. And then I'll have a night where I can go 6 or 7 hours without having to make a run. Those multiple run nights make for a fun and grumpy next day.

* * *

For several months now, I've been noticing that my eye glasses don't seem to be effective as they used to be, meaning that it's time for an exam and an updated prescription. However, in the last few weeks, the problem seems to be gradually increasing, especially in my right eye.

Under normal circumstances, I'd say that it's merely me getting older, or the additional eye strain of sitting in front of a computer all day long again after being off work for 8 weeks. I'd go for my checkup and get an updated set of glasses.

But one of the known side effects of taking Cialis is blurred vision and--in rare cases--complete and permanent vision loss.

So, being perhaps a bit overly cautious, I stopped taking the Cialis early this week and set up an appointment with my optometrist (unfortunately, the first opening was 7 April). I also called my ophthalmologist this morning to get their take on the situation. They wanted me to call my surgeon to get his advice, so I did.

My surgeon agreed with stopping the Cialis for now, waiting a couple of days to see if things get better, worse, or stay the same, and if they get worse, to get to the ophthalmologist.

Again, I think I may be overreacting and it's as simple as me needing an updated prescription. Still, why risk permanent vision impairment for the sake of a boner? Right?

I've had a routine surgery follow-up appointment scheduled for some time now (next Thursday). I'm sure we'll talk about all this then.

Otherwise all the drain holes and incision points have healed nicely and there's no pain or sign of lymph fluid accumulating again. Things keep progressing...

Week 15 - Back in the Routine

2011-02-24T20:18:00.000-05:00

Welcome back! I’m really not sure for the best way to format these weekly updates, to I’ll just try a chronological summary of the week for starters. We’ll see how that goes…

* * *

Friday was probably my best day at work all week long. I had virtually no discomfort in my groin, which told me that I was sore simply from using muscles that hadn’t been used in a while (as well as having had holes poked in them!) I was walking at a normal pace (early in the week, it was painful to walk too fast), and just felt great.

When I got home, I fixed dinner and decided to throw a load of laundry in the wash (to free up more time on Saturday). As I went to get my dirty laundry, I was suddenly attacked by an spring-cleaning urge to clean out my closet.

I pulled out clothes and shoes that I hadn’t worn since the Roosevelt administration (Teddy). Those that seemed to have good life in them (although out of style) went into a bag for Goodwill. The rest went into my rag bin or the trash.

To celebrate the end of taking my antibiotics, cleaning my closet, and the end of my first week back, I opened a bottle of Sam Adams—my first since the holidays.

* * *

With my chores out of the way Friday night, I decided to head to Indianapolis on Saturday for the first time since Christmas. I did it in the name of research.

I’m still a bit nervous about being out for extended periods of time with my mild incontinence. I want to make sure that nothing silly will happen on longer trips, so each time I go out, I try to make it a little longer just to see what happens. So far, so good.

I’ll have to admit that when I see a restroom, there’s a good chance that I’ll take advantage of it while I’m there. I’m probably being a bit too cautious, but there are still a few occasions where my bladder tells me “Go NOW!” and I really don’t have a lot of time to find a bathroom.

* * *

Sunday was a pretty quiet day around the house. It got off to a slow start. I woke early to use the bathroom, and the next time I looked at the clock, it was after 11:00 AM! Yikes. I guess that first week of work and activity caught up with me.

* * *

Work on Monday was pretty much the same as it was 8 weeks ago. I opened my spreadsheet at 8:00 AM, started doing updates, and had my report out by mid-afternoon. I’m not sure if it’s good to be back in the routine (rut) or not. J

Monday night was a bit hellish. I just kept running to the bathroom: 12:00 AM, 1:15 AM; 2:30 AM; 4:30 AM. When the alarm went off at 6:30 AM, I knocked it across the room and rolled over for a few extra minutes of sleep. Next thing I know, it’s 8:00 AM. Ooops!

Not sure why I had to run to the bathroom so many times… I stop drinking in quantity after supper just to prevent that very thing from happening.

* * *

After Monday night’s episode, Tuesday was a long day at work, especially considering there were two hour-and-a-half long meetings and another hour-long meeting in the day.

The day ended with a run to Kroger to restock groceries and another load of laundry (I try to do a load a night during the week so I don’t have to worry about it on the weekend).

* * *

Wednesday started with my weekly meeting (there’s that routine (rut) thing again), and lunch was spent with a friend trying to solve the world’s problems. No solutions. Yet. Another load of laundry in the evening (whites).

* * *

And that brings us to today—Week 15. It was another day of conference calls and meetings. But I did try one thing different.

Many of my little incontinence episodes through the week occurred when I stood up from a seated position. To try and minimize them, I had been standing up rather slowly, doing my best to follow my Kegel exercises and contract my muscles to prevent anything from happening.

Last night and today, I said the heck with it and just stood up. Guess what? I seemed to have fewer incidents.

And I'm wrapping up the evening with a load of colors in the laundry,

* * *

All in all, it was a good week. Things seem to keep getting better, even though the pace is slower than I’d like. I’d also like to figure out a way to keep from running to the bathroom all night long—that’s getting a bit old and quite tiring. Patience.

Week 14 - Lessons Learned

2011-02-17T21:36:00.003-05:00

You’ve probably noticed the change in title for this post. Instead of it being Day 99, it’s Week 14.

It’s time to bring these daily missives to a close. I mean, really. Who’s going to care about how many spreadsheets I created at work or how many minor or major incontinence episodes I had in the day? Because that’s about all that I’ve got to write about at this point, and I just don’t think it would be good reading.

Besides, I need to get out from behind this damned computer and start living life—don’t ever squander second chances!

However, because I do have a loyal following, I’ll write weekly updates (unless there’s a silly relapse, then daily updates will return). Because I learned of my cancer diagnosis on Thursday, 11 November—14 weeks ago today—I’ll do my weekly updates on Thursdays going forward.

* * *

I started this blog for one reason: To allow me to vent and process the fact that I had cancer. I didn’t care if one person or a hundred persons read it; the act of writing helped me think more clearly about my situation. The fact that there have been nearly 2,500 page views from 11 countries humbles me.

As time went on, the nature of the blog shifted more to education and information sharing—perhaps too much information sharing according to a few of you. But that was my reality at the time and you needed to understand what I was going through. I know that reading my blog caused at least one person to make an appointment with his physician to get checked. That, to me, makes it worth every word.

So what have I learned through this little journey? Wow. Where to begin? I’ve learned that:

Family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors come through when you really need them the most, and for that, I will be forever grateful. Thanks everyone!
I can’t control events, but I can do my best to control how I react to them.
Fear and anger consume far too much energy that should otherwise be spent on getting better.
I had to be my own advocate, researching as much as possible to be an educated patient.
There was such a thing as doing too much research, and that I had to just stop at some point and make decisions with the knowledge that I had.
Humor—however misguided or irreverent—had to be a part of the cure.
This wasn’t all about me. Those around me reacted differently and I needed to recognize, understand, and embrace that by being sensitive to their needs.
Patience is a virtue (although not easily practiced).
Talking openly about cancer makes it easier to deal with having cancer.
There is no shame in having cancer.

So what will I do with my second chance? There are plenty of clichés to tell me what to do: Stop and smell the roses. I hope you dance. Live like you were dying.

Well, roses make me sneeze, and I have a court restraining order against me dancing (I sent three people to the hospital the last time I did), so that leaves living. I think I can do that.

This journey showed me how important relationships are, and that’s something that I want to keep working on—to be a better brother, cousin, uncle, friend, neighbor, and coworker.

It also showed a relationship gap. I’d like to find that special someone to just share life’s experiences with, and who will be there in sickness and in health. A line from the book, “Into the Wild,” said that “happiness isn’t real unless it’s shared.” I’m beginning to believe that more and more. So in addition to building on my existing relationships, I want to find the right person to share my life with.

The final thing that I want to do with my second chance is be more impulsive (without being idiotic). That will be the most difficult. Don’t analyze. Don’t evaluate. Just act. Do it. Live.

Okay. I’m not foolish enough to know that I can delete Microsoft Excel from my computer today without going through severe analysis withdrawal. But I can at least spend only a tenth of the time doing my analysis and then go act.

Those are my learnings from having cancer. Profound? Probably not. But I will close with one more cliché from a wise woman in my life:

“Life is not a dress rehearsal.”

(Thanks, Mom! I should have listened sooner!)

* * *

Okay. I can’t close without at least one last comment about how things went today—actually, last night.

I went from 11:00 PM to 6:30 AM without having to get up to pee once!! Woo-hoo! That beats almost every other night where I’m up 2-4 times a night and sleep is a minimum. Let’s hope for two nights in a row.

See you next Thursday!

Day 98 - Warm

2011-02-16T18:00:00.003-05:00

Warm. But not from a fever. From the wonderful 65 degree weather here! Time to open some windows.

* * *

Again, no fever through the day, so that's reassuring that things are getting back to normal. Also reassuring was the fact that the discomfort in my groin continues to decrease.

I find that there's a little more spring in my step as I walk (I still can't walk at my normal "supervisor sprint" pace that I'm used to), and that standing up from a seated position is getting easier. I'm also having fewer incontinence episodes when I stand (still requires deliberate effort to make that happen, but it's happening!).

So it's time to get away from the keyboard, open some windows, and perhaps even enjoy a bit of the evening outside before the sun sets. Ciao!

Day 97 - Groovin'

2011-02-15T18:00:00.005-05:00

Back in the groove. Just about.

It was a good day at work today, getting back into the swing of things. Fortunately, I had only one meeting today and having the extra time to get caught up and kick off a new project was good.

* * *

I haven't had a temperature above normal since 10 PM Sunday night, so that's a good sign. Perhaps I had a bit of a bug; lots of people say there's one going around.

The discomfort in my groin is still there, though, but it is decreasing. I'm beginning to think that perhaps all the new activity was the cause of some of it. But I still won't rule out fluid build-up quite yet.

Interestingly, I didn't hear from the doctor today, which makes me wonder if he got my note from Sunday night. I'll call tomorrow just to let him know what's been going on (and to see if his staff delivered the message).

* * *

Hard to believe it was six weeks ago tonight that I was coming out of surgery recovery asking for a ribeye steak.

Day 96 - Survived

2011-02-14T18:00:00.002-05:00

Apparently I was really anxious to go to work today, because for some reason I woke up around 4 AM and couldn't fall back asleep.

I made it to my office on time and got settled in after not having seen it since 23 December. It actually was a pretty productive day--along with some of the "Good to see you back at work!" socializing that went on.

I did last the entire day, which was a good thing. Although, I'll have to admit that I'm a bit zonked from the early wake-up time and from just being up and about.

* * *

As far as the fever is concerned, my temperature has been at or below normal since 10 PM last night. That's good, too.

The discomfort in my groin was less today than it was yesterday, and that's another good thing. By the end of the day, though, I could tell that it was beginning to come back. But this discomfort is a little different than yesterday's. It's more in the area of the drain holes, and I'm wondering if all the walking that I did through the building is what's caused the increase.

It seems pretty mild when I'm sitting, but when I walk I can feel it more. And when I walk, my speed is limited because the faster I go, the more discomfort there is. I suspect that my muscles just aren't used to the activity. Walking through my house is not nearly the same as walking through our facility.

So I'll continue to keep an eye on things and document changes as they occur.

Day 95 - Wondering

2011-02-13T15:26:00.000-05:00

So I'm wondering if this is really behind me.

After posting yesterday's comments, my fever returned and peaked at 99.7 early last night. So far, since midnight, the highest it's been is 99.0. That's moving in the right direction.

The other thing that's been bugging me is this discomfort in my groin. Initially, I thought it was from the drainage tube opening, but now I'm not so sure. I'm wondering if it's lymph fluid building up again.

The one thing that hasn't happened yet is an increase in incontinence. When I was in the hospital with the infection, the fluid was putting so much pressure on my bladder that I had little control over it. I'm really hoping that I don't return to that state again if the fluid is building up.

Needless to say, this makes going back to work tomorrow questionable. I'll play it by ear, and I'll also contact the surgeon to let him know what's happened since pullng the drain on Thursday.

* * *

Even with all that going on, I did manage to run out and buy some new pants today (I've lost 20 pounds since the surgery). The weather has been great--sunny, warm, and in the upper 50's.

Day 94 - Goofy

2011-02-12T15:52:00.000-05:00

What a goofy day.

Actually, it probably started last night. I was a bit concerned because I was running a slight temperature (max of 99.6) and I thought, "Not again."

I turned the lights out around 10:30 PM and fell asleep pretty quickly. Being up till 3 AM the night before probably had something to do with that. I slept well and each time that I got up to use the bathroom (twice), I checked my temperature. It was hovering right around 99.0. I'd fall asleep easily and, the next thing you know, it was 10 AM.

So far through today, my temperature has remained below 99.0. That's good. I'll keep monitoring it to make sure there are no signs of the infection returning.

* * *

Based on that little scare, I just took it easy around the house today. I did run to Kroger to stock up on groceries for the week. That's been about it. I may try to run out for some fun tomorrow--the weather is supposed to be quite nice--mid 40's.

* * *

And speaking of weather, the groundhog was right. When I went to check my mail this afternoon, there was a robin sitting on my lawn. Spring is on its way!!

Day 93 - Real Clothes

2011-02-11T18:00:00.002-05:00

It's funny. After six weeks of wandering around in a bathrobe or sweats and t-shirts, putting on jeans and a regular shirt for the first time is odd. And constrictive. I wonder if I can modify the dress code at work for my return... Hmmm.....

* * *

This morning I went to work to drop off my return to work form with my boss and I spent just over an hour wandering around saying hi to people. It was good to see them all again. I'm ready for the interaction with real people on a regular basis once again. Sitting in the house alone for this long does get on one's nerves just a bit.

After wandering through the offices, I went to lunch with a friend to get caught up with her.

* * *

Last night was another sleepless night. I think I was so excited about the freedom from tubes that I just couldn't shut off my brain. I started to think about all the things that I can do again, both outside of work and at work, and that just kept me going until about 3 AM. Ugh. I hope that excitement is behind me and I can get into a regular sleep pattern once again.

* * *

As far as the drainage tube site is concerned, it's closing up and beginning to heal. I'll have to admit that this one seems to be a bit more tender than the first one that was removed for some reason. I'll keep an eye on it.

I've also been keeping an eye on my temperature: 98.6. Let's hope it stays that way through the weekend and beyond.

* * *

I'll wrap up the day with dinner at the local Mexican restaurant with friends in a short while.

Happy Weekend!

Day 92 - Tubeless!

2011-02-10T19:04:00.000-05:00

Finally! For 33 of the last 38 days, I've had some additional plumbing coming out of my body. The surgeon pulled the last drain out of me this afternoon. Woo-freakin'-hoo! This will be such a relief. Now, let's just keep our fingers crossed that the fluid doesn't build up again now that the drain is out.

He wanted me to return in a month for a routine follow-up exam.

While there, I did specifically ask him whether or not the undetectable PSA level meant cancer-free, and he said yes. I also asked about the chance of recurrence. Given the particulars of my case, he said there's an 80% chance that I'll be cancer-free at the 10 year point. That wasn't necessarily a surprise to me; I had read the long-term statistics in my research.

Of course, that means there will be a little cloud hovering over me for the rest of my life, but I don't plan on letting it rain on my parade. It's just something that will always be there.

Finally, the surgeon also gave me the green light to return to work next week.

* * *

Before heading to the doctor, I had lunch with a friend from work at one of the local watering holes. (And, yes, I skipped their home-brewed beer.) It was good to get caught up with him.

Day 91 - Preparing

2011-02-09T18:00:00.001-05:00

This day was spent just doing odds and ends around the house in preparation for the possibility that I'll return to work next week. None of it was anything spectacular--just washing linens and other laundry; cleaning bathrooms; and turning my bedroom back into a bedroom rather than a recovery room.

* * *

The output volumes for the drain are still pretty flat, so we'll find out tomorrow whether they're good enough to pull the drain from my groin. I hope so. But I also don't want another setback, so if it has to stay a while longer, then so be it.

Day 90 - Sleepless

2011-02-08T17:20:00.001-05:00

At the beginning of this journey, I spent many nights tossing, turning, and getting very little sleep. Once I made the decision on the surgeon, the insomnia pretty much went away. Until last night.

I'm really not sure what happened yesterday. Perhaps the good news of an undetectable PSA got me fired up and looking forward. When I went to bed at the usual time, I just couldn't fall asleep. I tossed, turned, and finally gave up around 2:00 AM, turning on the TV to distract me for a while. By 3:30 AM, the lights and I were both out.

* * *

I posted yesterday's post a little earlier than usual just to share the good news as soon as I got it. I didn't mention that I ventured out for a short while yesterday afternoon to run to the bank, drop some bills off at the post office, and get a haircut.

Boy, did I need a haircut. (Yes, even with as little hair as I have, I still needed one desperately.)

That was the one thing on my pre-surgery checklist that I didn't get to. The last time my hair was cut was mid-December. After nearly two months, it was over my ears and very scruffy on the back of my neck. I couldn't stand it any longer.

I feel so much better today because of it.

* * *

I had a couple of coworkers stop by for a visit at lunch today. It was good to see them again and get caught up on some of the happenings in my absence.

Survivor

Day 89 - Undetectable

2011-02-07T13:22:00.000-05:00

"Great news. Your PSA was undetectable."

So that's how the surgeon started his conversation with me today. In the excitement of hearing the good news, I didn't specifically ask him if he would call me cancer-free, but I pretty much would at this point. Between the post-surgery biopsies of the prostate and the lymph nodes, and now the news of an undetectable PSA, I'd be willing to say with about 99.5% confidence that I'm cancer-free.

That makes today a pretty good day.

I'll have to do follow-up PSA tests every six months for the first two years, and then yearly after that.

I suspect that I'll always be wondering whether or not I have cancer going forward. I guess that's one of the side effects of having cancer in the first place.

* * *

The drainage output remained steady over the weekend: 40, 30, 30, 30, 40, and 30. So we agreed to keep my appointment for Thursday afternoon and monitor the output between now and then. With a little bit of luck, the drain will come out Thursday.

* * *

I continue to progress with controlling the incontinence, too. I'm finding that I'm having fewer incidents when I stand (although it does take some effort to prevent them from occurring), and that the volume of the "squirts" seems to be decreasing as well. Of course, a good sneeze or cough will cause an incident almost all the time, but again, a small incident.

Day 88 - Overslept

2011-02-06T17:28:00.000-05:00

For one of the first times in a long time, I found myself sleeping in way longer than I wanted or expected.

I woke up for my 8:00 AM dose of antibiotics and crawled back into bed after taking them. Then next thing I know, the clock read 11:10 AM. Yikes! I certainly didn't intend for that to happen, but I guess I needed some extra sleep. I certainly don't want to get on THAT schedule the closer I get to returning to work. (Keeping an optimistic attitude about the drain output volume!)

Speaking of output volume, it's remained at 30 ml every 12 hours for the last three cycles. That's good. For a while before that, it was creeping back up to 40 ml. Looking at the bag right now (5:30 PM), I'd guess that the 10:00 PM (or end of Super Bowl) reading will come in at or below 30 ml.

I'll hold off sending my readings to the surgeon until after the 10 AM reading tomorrow morning. That way, he can call me back later in the afternoon and perhaps he'll have the PSA test results by then. We'll see.

* * *

I'll have to admit that it's much better to have just one drain instead of the two. It's a lot easier to sleep and get around the house. The other thing that really helps is that he removed the original dressing that was over both of the drains. Not having that any longer feels a lot better, too. Plus, I don't have to tape a Ziploc bag over my belly in order to take a shower now.

* * *

Well, time to clean up the kitchen after an early dinner in advance of tonight's Big Game. I can't say that I'm rooting for one team over the other, but my Midwestern roots will probably have me pulling more for the Packers than the Steelers. (Sorry, CX readers!)

Day 87 - Calm

2011-02-05T18:14:00.000-05:00

Today was a calmer day than yesterday, emotionally. I accepted the fact that I have to keep this tube coming out of me for a while longer, and have been able to navigate better without trying to rip it out of me as I did yesterday.

I haven't detected any issues because of the one drain being removed. The hole seems to be healing nicely already. The output of the other remains about where it was yesterday and the day before.

It was a snowy day--a good day to curl up with some magazines that friends and the mail dropped off. Some are travel magazines, and I'm looking forward to the day where I can feel confident enough to plan my next vacation. To where? Who knows.

So that's it for this snowy Saturday.

Day 86 - Halfway

2011-02-04T18:32:00.001-05:00

Steer clear of me right now. You've been warned!

* * *

Let's just say that the visit to the surgeon didn't quite go as I would have liked. In short, he removed the right drain but left the left one in place because the drainage output was still a tad too high.

It does feel good to be rid of the one tube and bag, but I'll have to admit that I'm not thrilled about having the other one still in me. It's such a pain in the ass to maneuver with (I hooked the hose not once but twice on doorknobs today and cursed like a sailor--loud and long).

The plan? Keep monitoring the output through the weekend and into early next week. When he sees numbers that he likes, he'll bring me back in to have the drainage tube removed.

I did ask, "What if the volumes don't go down?" The first part of his response was that time is on our side; I just need to be patient. But the second part was something along the lines of, "I've never had to go back into someone, but..." So it's a possibility that, if this doesn't diminish on its own, that I may have to go back in for a follow-up surgery to correct the problem. That would suck.

One other thing that he did do during the visit was draw blood for my first post-surgery PSA test. Again, if the results come back at zero or nearly so, that's a strong indicator that I'm cancer-free. If they're higher, then that's a whole new ball game.

This PSA test was originally scheduled for next Thursday, but he thought he would do it while I was there. I suppose I could learn the results as early as late Monday or Tuesday.

* * *

I will admit that it does feel better to be rid of one hose and the large dressing they had over both. It does make going to the bathroom a little easier.

Heck, I've had tubes coming out of my body for 28 of the last 33 days.

* * *

I did drive myself to Cincinnati for the appointment. The drive went well and it was good to be out of the house again. I stopped by Kroger and CVS on the way home to stock up on some groceries and renew my prescription.

Day 85 - Yawn

2011-02-03T18:27:00.000-05:00

The day started with a call from the surgeon checking on the drainage output. He was satisfied enough to tell me to come in tomorrow, Friday, to have the drains removed. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about that. I just hope that nothing happens after they're out that causes any problems.

* * *

It was a pretty quiet day around the house. I was able to throw another load of laundry in the wash, clean up the kitchen and bathrooms a little, and repeat my lazy cat impersonation, sitting in the sunny window watching the snow on my driveway melt for about an hour. Exciting, eh?

You would think that with all this time on my hands, I'd be coming up with some profound, philosophical thoughts about this whole experience, but I got nothing. Maybe when we get the first PSA results next week.

Day 84 - Visits

2011-02-02T16:04:00.000-05:00

We escaped the brunt of the storm here yesterday and last night. Lots of wind and somewhere around a quarter to half inch of ice from the freezing rain. Fortunately, only the cable TV went out for a bit last night, and not the power. Things are much calmer here today, although it is snowing at the moment. I don't think we're expecting much accumulation.

* * *

I haven't heard from the surgeon yet today, and I didn't expect that I would given that he was scheduled to be in surgery all day long.

I did speak to one of the admin assistants in the office about extending my leave, and she said she'd make sure to leave him a message to contact me tomorrow.

I'll fax him my latest readings around 10:30 PM tonight so that he'll have them first thing in the morning.

* * *

I had a couple of coworkers pop in for separate visits this afternoon, and it was good to interact with someone other than through a keyboard. I'll have to admit, though, that by the end of the second visit, my voice was cracking. I guess I'm not used to talking to anyone for an extended period of time. I'll have to start singing to myself as I walk around the house.

Day 83 - Icy

2011-02-01T15:11:00.000-05:00

It's been a quiet day of just watching the weather and waiting for the main event to arrive.

Last night gave us a nice coating of ice here; the street in front of my house glistens with its coating of ice that hasn't been touched by the city yet. We're on the borderline for a major ice event this evening, too. Those to the north and west could wind up with nearly an inch of ice; those to the south and east will likely just get rain. Who knows what we'll get.

* * *

I sent my latest drainage readings to the surgeon this morning about 10:30, but haven't heard from him yet. We'll see what he wants to do.

I'll have to remember to talk with him about extending my medical leave/short term disability. It's set to expire on Monday, and I'm not sure that I'll be ready to return to work then.

So that's it. Keep the ice away and the lights on, please!

Day 82 - Disappointment

2011-01-31T15:17:00.000-05:00

The morning started with a phone call from the surgeon. We reviewed the drain output log that I had faxed him last night, and he was still reluctant to pull the drains given the output levels. He'd like to see the output in the 30-50 ml per day range, and right now, I'm running in the 60 ml per day range. Of course, that's much better than the 135 ml per day on my first day home from the hospital (Round 2).

He was encouraged that the trend continues downward and wanted me to call him tomorrow with today's numbers. Of course, with the weather situation as it is, there's probably no way that I would be able to run to Cincinnati tomorrow if he gave the green light to pull them out.

He's in surgery all day Wednesday, but thought it might be possible for me to meet him at the hospital to remove the drains if the numbers looked good. Realistically, I'm thinking the earliest these may come out now is Thursday.

I understand why he's being so cautious--and I support that--but, still, it's a disappointment to know that I have to run around with this extra plumbing for several more days.

* * *

After talking with the surgeon, I decided to take inventory of all that I have here in anticipation of the storm. I decided to make a Kroger run for two reasons. First, to stock up for the storm and, second, to see if I'd be okay driving with the drains in place. (I was wanting to see if I'll need someone to drive me to the appointment to have them removed, or if I could do it myself. I'd feel comfortable driving myself.)

It was only the second time that I've been out of the house on my own since 3 January. Talk about cabin fever!

I stocked up on the essentials--bread, juice, batteries and my latest "essential," Depends guards.

This storm could be a real doozy. The Weather Channel is showing that Indianapolis can get up to an inch of ice starting tonight and into tomorrow, and that will wreak havoc on the city and power system. Cincinnati, on the other hand, is expecting more rain and some freezing rain, with perhaps a 1/4 inch of ice accumulation in the morning. I'm hoping that we get more of what Cincinnati will get instead of what Indy will get.

Still, I have filled a 3-gallon camping jug with water; brought my sleeping bag in and set it beside the gas log set in my fireplace; charged a battery operated camping latern; and have positioned plenty of candles and flashlights around the house. If we do have a power outtage, I should be okay as long as it's rather short-lived.

* * *

The last few days have been pretty good in terms of my incontinence. I did notice, however, that as I walked through the parking lot and grocery store that there were a few more minor squirts than I expected.

I guess walking 60 or so feet around the house doesn't tax my bladder enough when compared to several hundred feet in the grocery store. It's time to walk several times a day in the house for half an hour or so to build up that muscle control.

The other thing I need to work on are stairs because the drains are a little tender when I go up or down them. I really haven't done that since coming home.

Day 81 - Cat-like

2011-01-30T17:31:00.001-05:00

This morning the sun was out for the first time in a while, and I sat in the living room, basking in the warmth of the sun's rays like a lazy old cat. I stayed there until the sun moved to the point where its rays could no longer reach me.

That was the highlight of my day.

The drains continue to annoy me. I'm so hoping that they'll be able to come out tomorrow. The right one got blocked again this afternoon, so I had to clear it to get the flow moving again. I'll be sure to mention that to the surgeon when I talk to him in the morning.

The forecast calls for snow/sleet Monday night, turning to freezing rain late Monday/Tuesday morning (with a 1/4" of ice possible), rain Tuesday afternoon, followed by snow on Wednesday. I really hope these things come out tomorrow!

So that's it. I imitated a cat today. Woo-hoo.

Day 80 - Mishaps

2011-01-29T16:27:00.000-05:00

For a while today, I thought I was back in the hospital with the number of incontinence mishaps that I've had between last night and today.

Shortly after midnight, I made a run for the bathroom and didn't quite make it. I'm not sure what happened to my guard, either. It must have shifted because it didn't catch much of the urine that escaped. Another mess to clean up.

During the day today, I've had two other minor mishaps, but significant enough to warrant a new pair of underwear in each case. Must be a full moon or something. I thought about returning to the full-blown Depends diapers, but put that idea on hold for now. Maybe tonight when I go to bed.

The exit points for the drains are becoming increasingly sensitive. There just is no good way to route the hoses, so I have to bring them up out the waistband of my underwear, and each time I have to pee, I have to very carefully and gently rearrange things while making sure that I'm not tugging on the drain excessively. I really hope that they can come out on Monday or Tuesday at the latest.

Speaking of drains, I noticed that the tube feeding the right bag was filled with fluid, but there was virtually nothing in the bag. I did a quick little troubleshooting and repair (using tools drown in alcohol), and now the flow has been reestablished.

With all the runs to the bathroom last night, I'll have to admit that I didn't sleep all that well and took a little nap this afternoon. After that, I began working on my taxes. Fun.

So that's it for this Saturday.

Day 79 - Analysis

2011-01-28T16:02:00.000-05:00

Another quiet day around the house, which is a good thing.

The drains continue to do their jobs, and the flow from each is steadily decreasing (just look at the trendlines on my charts to be sure). Hopefully, when I fax the charts to the surgeon on Sunday night, he'll see them first thing Monday morning and call me to bring me in to have them removed on Monday or Tuesday at the latest. (It took me about an hour to configure my computer to fax documents yesterday.)

While I was in updating my drainage flow chart, I thought I'd create another one to see how long I can go between voiding my bladder. I'd like to see that number go up over the next week so that I can be more effective when I return to work. That means I'm trying to hold things a little longer without jeopardizing a major accident.

One other silly exercise that I'm doing is that when I do get the urge to run to the bathroom, I'm making several laps around the house to simulate the distance between my office and the men's room at work. I want to make sure that I can make the distance without having an accident if I get a sudden urge. So far, only a couple of minor leaks as I walked.

I'm remaining religious about taking my antibiotics and they, along with the drains, are doing the trick. My temperature has remained normal since gettng out of the hospital.

Now that I've worked my way through a lot of the food that was brought over, I'm beginning to get back into a more regular and new pattern of eating. One that includes much more fresh fruits and vegetables, more whole grains, less red meat, and less animal fat.

I only want to go through this cancer crap once, and if improving my diet helps prevent something like colon cancer (closely related to prostate cancer), then I'm going to make the change.

Does that mean that I'm forgoing the Pollo Loco at Acapulco's for ever and ever? No. I just want to be more sensible as I go forward.

So that's it for this cold, overcast Friday.

Day 78 - Organizing

2011-01-27T18:24:00.000-05:00

There really isn't much to report today. I spent a good portion of the day just organizing things around the house--clearing all the post-surgery stuff from the bathroom; filing medical bills and statements; taking the trash out (for the first time in three weeks!); running a load of laundry.

After having a good incontinence day yesterday, I shed the full-blown Depends and opted for the guards in the underwear today. No problems so far; just the occasional stress incontinence.

I shared (in spreadsheet chart format, of course) my drainage numbers with the surgeon today. He was pleased that they're moving in the right direction, but wants to keep the drains in through the weekend and to call him Monday morning.

That's okay, I guess. They're more a nuisance than anything else, but if they help get all that bad "juice" out of me--along with the antibiotics--I can tolerate them for three or four more days.

He asked how the incontinence was going and when I told him that I was in underwear with guards, he was pretty amazed given that the catheter came out two weeks ago tomorrow. He was very pleased with that, so that's a reassuring sign.

So that's about it. The last of my W-2's arrived in the mail today, so maybe I'll begin working on my taxes while I'm still sporting the drains this weekend.

Day 77 - Simple Gifts

2011-01-26T14:41:00.001-05:00

Simple Gift #1:

OMG. What a difference a real shower makes!!

The nurses wouldn't let me take a shower with the dressing over my drain outlets (even though it's covered in plastic), so I asked the surgeon as he discharged me and he said it wouldn't be a problem. So this morning, just to be extra protective, I grabbed a gallon Ziploc bag, taped it over my abdomen where the dressing was, and stood under hot, streaming water for about 15 minutes. Heaven.

* * *

Simple Gift #2:

Peeing standing up.

Yep. When I was in the hospital the easiest way for me relieve myself was to sit on the commode. Trying to manage the long hospital gown, two drainage bags, IV stand, and diaper tabs was just too much to do standing up. The current bag arrangement allows my to stand as normal.

* * *

Simple Gift #3:

Sleep in my own bed.

My first night home was a good one. It was a lot easier to figure out what to do with my drainage bags that I thought it would be. I just created a little nest with an old towel on the mattress beside me, and the tubes leading to the bags are long enough where it worked out just fine. (These bags operate on a vacuum system and don't rely on gravity to drain, so they bags can be at the same level as my pelvis.)

I was able to sleep quite soundly and only ran to the bathroom twice in the middle of the night compared to about once every 60-90 minutes in the hospital (I guess without the IV fluids, there was less to void.)

* * *

A great rendition of the old Shaker song:

Alison Krauss & Yo Yo Ma, "Simple Gifts"

* * *

Finally, I think I hit one of my lowest moments in this whole experience a couple of nights ago in the hospital.

I had turned out the lights at 10 PM and managed to fall into a deep sleep very quickly. The urge to pee hit me, so I started my 10-step process to get to the commode. When I got to step six, stand up, I instantly started filling my diaper with one of the hardest and strongest streams that I had felt since being admitted. And it kept on to the point where the diaper overflowed and pee was running down my leg onto the tile floor and my little hospital booties. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Nothing.

I called the nurse and she got me and the room cleaned up. When I looked at the clock, I was astonished to see that it was 10:50 PM. I had only slept 50 minutes when this happened.

About two hours later, the urge hit again. I vowed not to have a repeat experience and made it to the bathroom.

Just as I sat on the commode--and before I could get "things" aimed in the right direction, the damn burst again and I'm peeing on my hand, the toilet seat, in the bowl, on the floor.

That was it. That was the low point of this whole experience.

The nurse was extremely compassionate and listened attentively as I vented my anger and frustration. She reminded me that the pockets of infected fluid were putting so much pressure on my bladder that it's no wonder that I couldn't control it.

At one point during one of the episodes, I barked out, "Where the hell is all this coming from??" She reminded me about the IV fluids being introduced into my body as one source. The next morning, she talked to the doctor and, because the fever had broken, he agreed to take me off the IV fluids altogether. That helped considerably.

In the day that I've been out of the hospital, the incontinence issues have been only minor--occasional stress squirts--so I hope the days of peeing down my leg are well behind me. I think they are.

When telling the surgeon about this, he said that guys don't realize that the weeks after the catheter being removed is the worst part of the whole experience. He described what most go through, and based on his description of where most guys are at at this point, I really do feel as though I'm ahead of the curve.

Still, he said that regaining continence is like riding a sine curve--there will be ups and downs.

I just want to be confident that I'm not going to stand up in a staff meeting and have a major incident, or that I'll have enough time to walk between my office and the nearest men's room. I'm not sure when that will be. Soon, I hope.

Day 76 - Home Sweet Home

2011-01-25T20:01:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm home.

I was discharged late this afternoon and arrived home about an hour ago, thanks to the chauffeur services of a friend.

I spent a little bit of time getting the stinking black bananas out of the kitchen and organizing after my five day absence.

The drainage bags that I was given are the same kind that I had for the surgery itself--a small, football-shaped plastic container that's slightly larger in size that a large lemon. They fit nicely into the pockets of my sweat pants, so getting around the house will be much easier than I expected. Sleeping, however, might be another story.

The large bags clipped to the bed linen away from my body. I'll have to figure out a way to keep these smaller contained away from me so I don't roll onto them during my sleep.

One thing that I need to do before going to bed is create my fluid output rate spreadsheet. Those numbers will determine when the drainage bags come out.

Hopefully I'll be up for a more detailed update tomorrow. G'night! :-)

Day 75 - Mobile

2011-01-24T20:39:00.001-05:00

today was a really good day. my temperature was near normal the whole day.

the surgeon stopped by early this morning to check on me. we reconfirmed that we wait on the culture results and how the fluid is draining before we make a decision on the next step.

i was able to spend a good part of the day walking the halls, entertaining the staff. in the afternoon, i was liberated from my iv for four hours until the next antibiotic treatment. no more iv fluids to overtax my beat up bladder.

i should know more about what is next when i see the surgeon tomorrow. he was here at seven today and around eleven a couple of days ago. it appears his schedule is anything but routine.

more when i know it.

Day 74 - Better

2011-01-23T20:28:00.001-05:00

today was a much better day.

it started with not having a fever and got better when i got out of bed. up until today, every time i stood up, i would instantly void my bladder into my diaper. today, that did not happen.

the fluid that was drained was putting so much pressure on my bladder that there was no way i could control it. now with the fluid gone, i can. and that made my day.

i still have the occasional stress squirt, and that is okay for now.

my temperature has been at or below normal all day long.

my surgeon wants to wait for the culture results before making any decision about discharging me. i may have to have another ct scan to confirm that the fluid is gone.

mybest guess is that i will spend monday night here. things are looking up.

Day 73 - Drained

2011-01-22T19:44:00.001-05:00

the day started with a bit of confusion. my nurse said that the team that normally performs the procedure to drain the fluid does not work on the weekends and that i would have to wait untilmonday. she did not realize that my surgeon had made a special request to have them here today.

the procedure was quick and easy. i was awake throughout, interacting with the team. they installed two drainage tubes with separate drainage bags. more hardware to lug around.

this evening, three visutors popped in for an hour and a half or so.

we will learn more of what the next steps are tomorrow. if i were to guess, i would say that they chances of me still being here on monday are good.

Day 72 - Still Here

2011-01-21T20:55:00.001-05:00

so i had my ct scan this evening and it showed a build up of lymph fluid from where the lymph nodes were removed. they will do a pro@edure tomorrow to drain the fluid and install a drain. they will use a ct scan to guide the needle to drain the fluid. i should expect to be here at least one more day, maybe longer.

not what i was hoping to hear, but they are pretty confident this will take care of the problem.

Day 71 - Admitted

2011-01-20T16:52:00.001-05:00

i am back in good sam and will be admitted while they try to figure out the cause of my fever. they will keep me until i am fever free for twenty four hours. fun.

Day 71 - Setback

2011-01-20T10:30:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up with chills and a fever that hovered between 100.4 and 101.6. The surgeon has ordered me to return to the hospital so we can figure out why. He even thought that there would be good chance that I'd be readmitted for observation.

I'll try to let you know what's going on as the day progresses.

Day 70 - Itchy

2011-01-19T15:23:00.000-05:00

So I've been itching for the last 24 hours.

First, there's all the incision points. They're healing nicely but a couple of them have a nice scab over them that I just want to scratch right off. They're driving me nuts. Of course, I won't. I'll just leave them heal on their own. It will be faster that way.

Second, there's the body hair that's regrowing where they shaved me prior to the surgery. That stubble--in places where stubble should never be--also itches like crazy. (By the way... Just how do you get that job of body hair shaver? Are you the lowest resident or nurse on the totem pole? Did you draw a short straw or lose a bet? I don't know.)

Finally, I've been itching to get out of the house, so I did. I busted loose. Escaped.

After paying a couple of bills yesterday, I realized that I was down to a couple of postage stamps left, so I hopped (well, not so much hopped--gently eased myself) into my truck and drove the 8 blocks or so to the post office.

With the forecast of snow, I also headed to Kroger to pick up a few things--loaf of bread, fresh fruit, freezer containers, juice. Nothing much.

The trip lasted about 45 minutes, and that was just about the most I could handle. I wasn't my usual speed demon through the aisles of the store; I took it at a much slower pace. I was very careful getting in and out of the truck and carrying the bags into the house. All in all, it was a successful trip. Except for one thing.

When I returned home and put the groceries on the kitchen counter, I noticed that I forgot to bring my Cialis prescription to the pharmancy. I've got enough pills to get me to Friday night (take one per day). Because of the snow, I went back to the pharmacy this afternoon to refill it.

The surgeon's office forewarned me that it's not likely that my insurance would pay for it, and they were mostly right. Interestingly, my insurance will pay for 6 of the 30 pills. Odd. I'll have to do a cost-benefit analysis to see if having the ability to "sport wood" is worth $140 a month. I know it's important to take it regularly to reestablish that functionality, and once it's reestablished, I may be able to cut back on the chemical assist.

There were a few snowflakes landing on my windshield as I left the pharmacy.

* * *

GRAPHIC BIOLOGY AHEAD:

As far as the incontinence goes, it's about the same. It really only seems to happen when I stand (although when I took a couple of steps in a parking lot, I felt a tiny squirt), but not every time that I stand.

One thing that concerns me a little. Early on, when I would stand, I would contract my floor muscles and that seemed to be doing the trick. Now, that seems to be less effective.

I only got up twice last night to use the bathroom (I'm cutting back my fluid intake shortly after dinner). The second time was a close call. I hung on almost too long. Interestingly, as one of my fellow prostate cancer survivors told me, I was astonished at how quickly I can drain a full bladder now. It took somewhere between 5 and 10 seconds and that was it. Done.

Finally, back to the itching theme... I was told when I got the catheter out to expect an itching or burning sensation in my urethra, and I do, especially after urinating. But there are other times it occurs, too, and that itching tells my brain it's time to drain my bladder even when it really doesn't need to be. It's frustrating trying to combat that sensation while trying to retrain my muscles.

Day 69 - Tired

2011-01-18T16:58:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. That's the best way to describe today.

I'm physically tired from not sleeping well last night, and I'm emotionally tired from this whole experience.

I did manage to throw a couple of loads into the laundry this afternoon and also pulled my truck into the garage after last night's warmer temperatures and rain got rid of 95% of the snow left in the bed. I wanted it back in the garage before the next snowfall--a trace forecasted for tonight and 3+ inches for Thursday.

Based on just moving the truck 30 feet, I can tell that I'm not quite ready to go on one of my infamous road trips--or even a trip to Kroger yet. Of course, with all the food that friends and neighbors have brought over in the last few days, I don't think I'll need to go to Kroger until March. Seriously. If I do, it will be to buy more freezer containers to store all of this good stuff. Thanks everyone!

* * *

Just for grins and giggles, I hopped onto my health insurance company's website to see all the claims processed for this little journey through cancer. So far, the total is right around $70,000, and I didn't see a claim from the surgeon yet. (The hospital bill alone was at $53K.)

Speaking of the surgeon, I return on Thursday, 10 February to have my first post-surgery PSA blood test. Those results can be turned around pretty quickly, so I expect that I might have them as early as the next day (Friday) or the following Monday.

Day 68 - Improving

2011-01-17T17:10:00.000-05:00

A better day today. Still not perfect, but better.

Friday and Saturday nights, the first two nights without the catheter, I slept in the full Depends diapers not knowing what may happen. Last night, I took a chance and just used the guard in my underwear, and things were just fine.

I can tell that I can stand a little more quickly and a little more confidently each time I try. Most of the time, I can do it without any leakage which is a good thing. In fact, I felt confident enough this afternoon to go for a little walk up and down my cul-de-sac (two laps). Nothing happened.

I do want to become more and more active as time goes on. I actually think that it will help train my bladder to expect certain kinds of movements (steps, walking, standing, sitting, getting into/out of a vehicle, etc.) and it will learn to compensate for each over time and with repetition.

If it weren't for these small signs of progress, I would be quite depressed right now.

While getting the catheter removed was a great step forward physically, I don't think I was expecting the psychological kick in the pants that came with the new adventure of incontinence.

Even with the catheter for ten days, I felt as though I was making forward progress with my recovery each day. Now, it feels as though I've been pushed back on my recovery at least a week, and that I'm almost starting from scratch. I know that's not the case, but emotionally, it's been an unexpected setback.

I know that things will continue to improve with each day, and as long as they do, I should get back on emotional track.

* * *

A friend from work stopped by for lunch today, and another friend will be bringing dinner by for me this evening.

I've yet to try to drive, and I don't think that I'll give it a try until the middle or end of this week. We'll see how confident I feel about being away from home for any extended period of time (and an hour or so would be an extended period of time for me right now).

Day 67 - Strange

2011-01-16T17:28:00.000-05:00

What a strange day.

It started with several runs to the bathroom (let's just say that the Percocet that I stopped taking isn't constipating me any longer and leave it at that), and then a feeling of being chilled. No fever to cause the chills. In fact, my temperature was my typical below normal--97.1.

By midday, I was up and about around the house feeling better sitting up for a while, and then laying down for a while. The pain from the incision points is truly minimal at this point. Again, if I sit funny or twist in a funny direction, they'll remind me that they're there, but on the whole, it's pretty much behind me.

As far as the incontinence goes, it seems to be getting better. When I stand (which is when I had experienced the majority of my problems yesterday), things were better today. Not perfect, but better. Fewer and smaller squirts. I really try to control my bladder sphincter through my Kegel exercises when standing.

I probably look funny, because I'll stand in a somewhat bent position, tightening my pelvic floor muscles, and most likely have a goofy look on my face as I stand there, waiting to be sure that nothing will happen. The first three or four steps are also taken quite gingerly.

I really had planned on getting outside and taking a walk down to the end of the cul-de-sac today, but that wasn't in the cards. Maybe tomorrow, weather permitting.

Day 66 - Not so Fast

2011-01-15T17:49:00.000-05:00

Be patient. Be patient. Be patient. That's what I keep telling myself.

* * *

Last night--the first without the catheter--was a dry night. That's good. Although I have to admit that I got up to pee about 4 times last night to help make sure that I didn't have an accident in bed.

It was great to be able to roll around in bed as I slept, and not have a certain key part of my anatomy tied off to the nightstand!

Today has been an exploration into what happens without the catheter in place. I find myself moving much more slowly and gingerly than when I was catheterized, not knowing what's going to happen with each step, each seat taken, or each time I stand up. Sometimes things are just fine; sometimes there's a little squirt into my guard. I certainly don't wish for the catheter back, but this definitely seems to be slowing my foward progress.

Be patient.

On a positive note, it's not as though I have no control over my bladder whatsoever. I do. I can sense when it's getting full and when I have to empty it (although, I will have to admit that that sensation isn't quite as pronounced as it was before the surgery). The most frequent time that I have a little squirt is when I stand up from a seated position.

Finally, having the catheter posed its own set of personal hygiene challenges; having minor incontinence poses a different set of challenges. I do feel pretty confident, however, that I can get by with using just the guards in my regular underwear instead of having to wear the full-blown diapers based on what's happened in the last 24 hours. That will make things simpler.

As predicted, now that there's no tumor pressing against my urethra, my urine flow is much stronger--as if I were 16 again.

Now that the catheter is out, I can resume my Kegel exercises, and I've been doing them several times during the day.

I really am doing my best not to get discouraged by the incontinence, recognizing that I'm only a little more than 24 hours into this next chapter. I know it will get better. I just have to keep doing my exercises and be patient. Again, some guys regain control in weeks; others in months or even a year.

* * *

I've removed the Steri-strips from all of my incisions and it feels great to be free of any adhesive tape stuck to my belly. I've also not had a Percocet since last night. There's some occasional pain depending on how I sit, but it's tolerable.

* * *

A couple of neighbors popped in for a visit this morning, bringing some homemade goodies for me to munch on as I continue my recovery. Thanks!

Day 65 - Freedom!

2011-01-14T15:46:00.000-05:00

The catheter is gone!! Hallelujah!!

So the majority of this post will be pretty descriptive... Sorry.

Unfortunately, last night was not a good night for sleep for me. I don't know if it was the anticipation of getting rid of the catheter or something else that kept me up, but I don't think I fell asleep until 2 AM.

I was out of the shower by about 8:30 AM and getting ready for the 40 minute drive to the office by changing from my overnight urine collection bad to my leg bag. That never was a fun process--always the risk for a big mess if I let go of the wrong hose at the wrong time.

A friend drove me to the doctor's office and we arrived around 11:30 for my 12:00 pm appointment. I was in the examination room within ten minutes of arrival. The nurse had me lie down on the table and disconnected the drainage bag from my leg before draining the saline solution from the Foley catheter that inflated the little balloon in my bladder that held the catheter in place.

She then told me to take a deep breath and exhale. When I exhaled, she would pull the catheter out. Fun. I inhaled; exhaled; and she pulled. "Hello!!" Yowza and it was out. And what a good feeling!

The doctor came in and talked with me on how my recovery was doing, examined my incision points, and said that everything was looking good. He told me to immediately call if I wasn't urinating, as that would indicate a serious blockage that would have to be taken care of. He said that I should come back in four weeks for the first post-surgery PSA.

Before leaving, I was given an antibiotic to take today and tomorrow to prevent any urinary tract infection after the catheter came out, and a pack of Cialis. Taking the Cialis now will help with the redevelopment of sexual function later.

Once the doctor was through I put on my first pair of Depends (funky!) and got dressed. We were out of the office by noon and headed home.

I had no idea what to expect. Would I fill my Depends during the trip back? Would there be any leakage at all? Not a clue. (I did bring a towel to put on the passenger's seat in my friend's car just in case I sprung a leak.)

The good news: Nothing happened on the way home. Nadda.

However, when I went to get out of the car, I could feel a small squirt of urine hit the Depends--stress incontinence.

It's nearly four hours later and I've peed a couple of times and had one other episode of stress incontinence (very small amount of urine). I suspect that I'll be able to use the protective pads rather than the full diapers. The exception might be at night. I'll probably try a full Depends for tonight and see what happens.

Before pulling out the catheter, I told the nurse that I was having a slight burning/tingling feeling at the end of my penis, and that when I strain to have a bowel movement, a little urine leaks out outside the catheter. She said those were both very good signs that my bladder is ready to go back to doing its thing on its own.

So it's great to be rid of the catheter; I just need to adapt to the latest leg of this journey now. They reminded me to continue with my Kegel exercises and to be patient as I regained control over my plumbing. I'll do my best.

Day 64 - Anticipation

2011-01-13T19:25:00.000-05:00

It was a pretty quiet morning here. The systems continue to function as intended and the pain continues to diminish, so I'm beginning to spend more time sitting upright. Still, there are limits before my belly says "enough."

A coworker stopped in for a nice lunchtime visit. Afterwards, I found myself a bit tired, so I crawled into bed and the next thing I know, it was 3:30. I guess I needed the sleep.

I'm soooo looking forward to the catheter removal tomorrow, if for no other reason than because I'll be able to sleep on my sides again without fear of tugging on it in the middle of the night. Of course, the whole freedom thing ranks right up there as another reason to anticipate its removal.

After the nap, I called a couple of friends to update them on my status and progress.

Aside from that, there's really not much else to report.

Day 63 - Solo

2011-01-12T18:55:00.000-05:00

My sister returned to Chicago this morning, which means that I'm flying solo for the time being. That's fine. I may not be as efficient doing things around the house as when I'm 100%, but I can do most things okay. I can tell that I'm not ready to lift or drive yet--just enough pain in the incision points to say "Hey, Dummy! Knock it off!"

Before she left this morning, my sister threw a couple of loads in the laundry and hit the grocery store one last time. I should be good into early next week.

A friend from work stopped by this afternoon for the first time, and we got caught up on my story and what's been happening while I've been away.

A group that I work with sent me a get well card that included 20 things to do while recuperating. I just may start working on that list to entertain myself.

* * *

GRAPHIC BIOLOGY AHEAD:

My systems seem to be getting back to their normal selves again (nearly clear urine, regular BMs); my incision points are healing without infection (although one has a nice bruise around it); the pain is steadily decreasing; and I'm more than ready for the catheter to come out.

I did call the nurse at the surgeon's office this morning to confirm what I needed to do in preparation for the catheter removal, as well as what I needed to bring for after it was removed (i.e., Depends).

Interestingly, she said that most guys can leave after having the catheter removed with just a pad in place to catch any leakage. Given that I have an hour ride back from the office, I think I may be a bit more cautious and go the full Depends route till I figure out what's going to happen and how much bladder control I'll have in those first hours/days.

One other thing that I was forewarned about before the surgery was the fact that blood will leak out the urethra outside the catheter tube when I strain to pass gas or have a bowel movement. I wasn't sure if that would be a controlling factor as to whether the catheter can come out or not, and apparently it's not. (The volume of blood is down from what it was a few days ago, but it's still there.)

So one chapter on this story is coming to a close (the surgery) and the next is about to start (life after surgery). Let's hope it's well-written with a happy outcome. Being significantly incontinent could really make for a lessened quality of life.

Day 62 - Resting

2011-01-11T16:44:00.001-05:00

Funny observation: The first couple of nights after getting out of the hospital, I wanted to follow my routine of going to the bathroom to empty my bladder before going to bed. "Oh. That's right. I don't have to. It will empty automatically." I guess there is one advantage to being catheterized after all. Otherwise, it's a pain in the butt (metaphorically).

Perhaps I should suspend the Percocet for a day and take this two liter drainage bag for a spin at the local watering hole and forget about "beer rental." Nah.

* * *

Today I continued to share the good news with others that I didn't get to yesterday. (Good thing I doubled the minutes on my cell phone plan last month!) I also just paced around the living room to get my exercise and had another visitor pop over at lunch time.

I think all the excitement of the last 48 hours caught up with me because I landed back in bed by mid-afternoon for a nice little nap. I probably need to ease up a little because I can feel a little more pain at a couple of the incision points today. Don't want to overdo it and blow a gasket or something like that. Still, the pain is relatively low (2-4 out of 10) and I don't want to be a complete wuss about it either. When I'm sitting, it's the worst. I'll find the right balance.

I do feel comfortable enough to be on my own, so my sister will be heading back to her family and job in Chicago tomorrow, weather permitting. Before she leaves, she'll do a couple of loads of laundry and make one more run to the grocery store to get me stocked up enough to last me into early next week.

With the catheter coming out on Friday, I'll be one step closer to being able to drive on my own. It all depends on my pain level and my ability to stomp on the brakes if necessary. I suspect that by the middle to end of next week, I should be mobile again. In the interim, I may need an assist to run to the store for me. I'll fire up my coordination spreadsheets and put the call out if and when its needed.

* * *

I had a little surprise after getting out of the shower this morning. I'm four pounds HEAVIER than when I went into the hospital!! I hope my scale is acting up or it's all the extra hardware that I'm sporting around, because if it's not, that's truly depressing.

Coming out of this, I really want to turn over a new dietary leaf, eating healthful foods that I can control the contents and quantity of. My doctor says that colon cancer is very closely related to prostate cancer, and if you have to have the cancer life experience, I only want to deal with it once.

So that's it for today. Time to fix dinner. (Irony, eh?)

Day 61 - Happier Day

2011-01-10T16:19:00.002-05:00

I just spoke with the surgeon. The pathology report showed that the cancer was confined to the prostate and had not spread. The lymph nodes were clean, too.

I have to go back in 4 weeks for a follow-up and my first post-surgery PSA test. If the PSA reading is zero, that's more confirmation that the cancer did not spread. However, if it's still elevated, there may be cancer still in the body someplace that the pathology didn't see. So a little more waiting, but today's report was a huge step in the right direction.

Time to wash down a Percocet with a celebratory beer! (Not!)

Day 60 - Happy Day

2011-01-09T18:01:00.001-05:00

Last night was perhaps the best night of sleep that I had since this journey began on Day 1. It was heavenly. I only hope that I have more and more like it going forward.

The other thing that was bordering on heavenly--and I apologize for being graphic--was having my first real post-surgery bowel movement. It appears that all systems are functioning as they should once again.

* * *

Several weeks ago, I told a fellow committee member at work about my cancer to let her know that I would be missing a few of our committee meetings after the New Year. As our December meeting started, another member complained about it being her birthday and about getting another year older. I looked at the first member who knew about my cancer and simply said, "Any birthday you can celebrate is a good birthday." She nodded in understanding and approval.

Well, today is a good day to celebrate--it's my 53rd birthday! And I'm counting on it being the first of many more to come.

I was shocked when my brother-in-law showed up at the doorstep around 10:00 AM, having driven from Chicago to get here. It was a great surprise!

So I've been spending the entire day out of bed, enjoying it with family and some friends who stopped by. We even ordered a special dinner from a local restaurant to celebrate, and I may have overdone it just a tad. We'll see how well I sleep tonight.

Tomorrow should yield the pathology results from the prostate and lymph nodes. I have know idea what time the doctor will call, but as soon as I hear something, I'll make sure I get the word out.

So I couldn't have asked for a better birthday under the circumstances--family, friends, and a BM. :-)

Day 59 - Up and About

2011-01-08T18:15:00.001-05:00

First things first... Two Percocets do not make you perkier.

All along, I had been managing my pain with one pill, and it was doing its job quite well. But last night I slept through my 1:00 AM dose and could definitely tell this morning that the pain was there. I popped 2 pills after lunch to try and get it back under control, but learned that two pills gave me a bit of a buzz. Not fun.

I was up at 7:30 this morning and managed to stay out of bed all the way until 11:30, which was good. Being up and around is definitely better than spending the day in bed.

I continue to do laps around the house (inside, of course) and this morning I added the stairs to the basement to my route. That took a little more effort and energy, and by midday I was ready to go horizontal for a while.

A little nap in early afternoon and I was ready for my first visitors by 3:30 PM. It was good to spend some time with them again.

Dinner tonight was more of the homemade soup that was delivered by my neighbors--thanks! My appetite is slowly getting better with each day and I'm beginning to return to a better eating pattern/schedule. Part of the reason that it's been so slow to return is the bloating after the surgery.

When they poke holes in you for the robot arms to enter your body, they fill you will gas to essentially inflate you to get your body wall away from where they're doing the surgery. When they're done, they sew you back up and some of that gas is trapped inside you. Eventually, it filters its way into your digestive tract and causes a lot of pressure. There's really no room for food.

The surgeon told me to expect to be bloated the first 3-4 days after the surgery, and he was right. The first two days, I was in agony from the gas pressure--it caused more pain than the incisions did. For biological reasons unbeknowst to me, getting rid of the gas in those first days is very difficult. (You remember the old joke, "How do you spell relief? F-A-R-T"??) It's amazing how expelling that gas made my comfort level go way up. The new simple joys in life... :-)

I still find it difficult to sit for any extended periods of time, so I'm actually standing at the kitchen counter typing this out on my laptop. It's getting better, and the more I'm up and about, the more it will improve.

* * *

When I started this blog, I was just using it to vent and keep people in the loop on what was happening. But, over the last 60 days, I've viewed this as an educational tool as well. It's certainly not meant to replace the advice of proper medical personnel, but I hope that it gives others going through this insight from one patient's perspective. It's the silver lining in this cloud.

So keeping with that educational theme, you may start to see more very detailed and very graphic descriptions of what I'm experiencing after surgery. I'll identify those descriptions in advance to allow those who don't want to know to have the opportunity to skip reading that part of the post.

* * *

So that's it for this Saturday night. Time for my next dose of Percocet.

Day 58 - Getting Better

2011-01-07T17:01:00.001-05:00

So it's near the end of my first full day at home, and things have been going well so far...

It's still difficult for me to sit up normally--the pain in my belly gets intensified--so I spend most of the day in bed. The new plumbing makes that an adventure, too. Normally, I like to roll around in my sleep, and now I can't without risking pulling on the catheter.

During the day, I do get up and wander around the house for 30 minutes or so every 3-4 hours. That helps prevent blood clots and pneumonia, plus it really does make me feel better.

My appetite has been slower coming back than I expected, and I've been eating a little more each meal. I'll have to wait a week or two to get to that ribeye that I asked for in post-op.

Earlier today, I brought my laptop into my bed and tried using it off to my side. (Putting it on my lap with five incisions and additional plumbing isn't an option right now.) As I rolled onto my side to get better access to the keyboard, I sprung a leak.

That's the side that my drainage hole was on--a hole in my abdomen to allow fluids to drain while in the hospital--leaked fluid onto the gauze covering it. No signs of infection--just the geometry allowed it to leak, I guess. I was told to expect that to happen.

I'm getting back into a more normal sleep pattern, even though I was wide awake around 3 AM today. A little catnap this afternoon helped me get caught up on some much needed rest.

It is good to be back home. The hospital was not a place for rest.

It's funny how the universe puts things in perspective. There's always someone with a worse situation than yourself, and that was the case with my roommate. From what I could tell, he had advanced lung cancer that was to the point where his body couldn't prevent the food or drink that he ate from entering his lungs. Of course, that made him cough, moan, and gurgle day and night, and the nurses were in the room nearly every hour attending to his needs. That made my getting the rest that I needed for my own recovery next to impossible. I know that's a selfish perspective, and I really tried to direct my frustration more at the hospital and nurses than at my roommate.

As far as upcoming events are concerned, the pathology report is scheduled to be available on Monday. We'll know whether the cancer was confined to the prostate or if it has spread beyond. The catheter will come out a week from today. Lori and I will have to figure out how long she's going to need to remain here, but having her here has been a great help.

So that's about as much typing as I can do for now.

Day 57 - Back Home

2011-01-06T12:03:00.002-05:00

Hi All,

I’m back home a tad sore and exhausted. Had a roommate with a horrid condition that kept me up ALL night last night. I feel sorry for the guy, but I didn’t sleep all that much.

So please give me a day or two to get settled and back into a routine.

Thanks for all your thoughts, prayers, and support!

Dan

Dan Here

2011-01-05T18:31:00.000-05:00

hi everyone. blogging from my hospital bed.

yes, as lori said, i am spending a second night here. they want to make sure that the plumbing is working as it should.

having fun annoying the nurses, which probably isnt wise as theyre the ones with the needles.

hopefully ill get outta here tomorrow. anyone want to bring me a six pack to drink so i can pee more...

Day 56 - Dan Update---Wednesday, January 5

2011-01-05T16:24:00.003-05:00

This is Lori again.....

Some things don't always go as planned. They said Dan should be able to come home today around 2PM. Well, that isn't going to happen. Apparently his urine output is not as good as it should be considering all the IV drips. Also, they asked him if he takes oxygen at home. They said your "oxygen" level is low, we have to put you on oxygen. So, he will not be coming home tonight. I ran back to his home to pick up his cell phone and run it back up to him. I thought I would blog an update before I leave to go back.

I don't know how to read or post any of your comments out there, so that will have to wait for Dan's return.

A last comment before I run out the door. Dan looks and feels good (a 1000 times better than last night), so hopefully, this is just a hiccup!

We both appreciate all the support and prayers being sent our way!

Lori

Day 55 - Surgery Day

2011-01-05T07:43:00.002-05:00

I left the hospital at 11:15 PM. Surgery was delayed for several hours due to an emergency. Dan was scheduled for surgery at 12:30 PM, but they did not take him until 3 PM. I was given a pager and started the long wait. Waiting is not one of my stong points.

At 3:50 PM I was given an update that they started the robotic operation. At 5:30 PM an update came in from the Doctor that "it was in the bag"....meaning that they removed the prostate??? After that, I didn't get anymore updates until 8 PM when the Dr. came out himself to talk to me. He said it went as planned, but took all of 4 hours. He was a very nice Doctor.... even asked me if I had dinner.

By 9:30 PM, I was still waiting. Actually, by now, I was the ONLY person in the waiting room. I decided to pick up a phone on the reception desk (all workers were now gone) and behold, a voice at the other end said "recovery". I told them that I was Dan's sister and was still waiting. They told me to come back. I made my way through a few double doors and then I spotted my brother. Well, he sort of looked like my brother. They had to invert the table when operating, so his face was now swollen. He was awake, asking for a rib eye steak and water. He reminded all of us every 15 seconds or so that he had not eaten for over 50 hours now! He also told us "cancer sucks!" The nurses were great and Dan kept up his humor..even though he was clearly in a lot of pain. He reminded me of our Dad...always joking around. It was another hour before he got up to his room. His nurse in the room gave him the morphine pump and told him to use it!!! I left him there at 11:15 PM and drove back to his house. I'll return in the mid morning. He is expected to come home tomorrow afternoon. I expect Dan will continue his blog this evening.

Day 54 - Here we go!

2011-01-03T18:12:00.000-05:00

Well, this is it. All the preparations are done. The sniffles seem to be abating (yea!) or at least not getting worse, and I've take 2 of my 3 doses of antibiotics. The kicker--just as with the colonoscopy--is not having any food!! I'm freakin' starving again! Nothing to eat since 8 PM Sunday night. That's 22 hours, 3 minutes, and 22 seconds ago. Ugh.

My sister arrived about an hour ago. She's still unpacking. :-)

One more round of antibiotics for me at 11:00 PM, and then off to bed.

I'll show my sister how to update the blog after the surgery, but Iwouldn't look for anything until late tomorrow night.

The adventure begins...

Extra - Moving Ahead

2011-01-03T10:27:00.000-05:00

I spoke with the surgeon's nurse this morning, and Dr. Cincy didn't seem to think that my sniffles would cause much of a problem for the surgery. I should plan on coming in tomorrow.

The one caveat to that is if the anesthesiologist thinks there might be a problem, but we won't know that until I'm there.

Day 53 - Hiccup?

2011-01-02T21:01:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to bed around 11:30 after watching a rerun of “Saving Private Ryan” on television, and I didn’t have any problem falling asleep. I was feeling a bit run down, so I closed my curtains and didn’t set the alarm for this morning.

I guess my body needed the rest. The next time I looked at the clock, it was just after 11:00 AM! Yikes!

Saturday night I felt as though I was getting a few sniffles and they seemed to persist through today. I’ve really tried to keep healthy through this, and the last thing that I want to get is a head cold right now. It may be enough to postpone the surgery.

If that happens, I’ll be pissed. There are too many wheels in motion that will have to be brought to a screeching halt—the leave has been approved; I’ve got announcements out and back-ups in place at work; and others have adjusted their schedule to support me (my sister, specifically).

If I’m still sniffling in the morning, I’ll call Dr. Cincy’s office and see what they recommend.

Up until this development, I’d been doing pretty well. I really haven’t been getting panicky about the surgery at all, which surprises even me knowing how much of a nervous Nelly I can be.

* * *

Despite all that, I moved forward as if the surgery will happen and I did finish some last minute shopping today. Some fresh fruit and family packs of pork chops and chicken breasts. I individually wrapped and froze the meat so I can pull it out of the freezer as I need it.

I also made the leap and bought my first package of Depends adult diapers for when the catheter comes out and I get to regain control over my bladder. At least they had the little blue prostate cancer ribbon on the package so that if anyone said anything, I could point to it and say, “This is why.” No one said anything.

* * *

So I’m going to call it an early night, get as much rest as I can, and see how I feel in the morning. I’m supposed to stop eating tomorrow and start the bowel prep at 10 AM, so I’ll try to have a determination by then. I’d hate to go through all that, take two different types of antibiotics, and then have the surgery postponed.

I’ll do a bonus posting on the blog mid-morning to let you know the outcome. Nothing like a little last-minute drama to spice up the day, is there?

Day 52 - New Year

2011-01-01T18:41:00.000-05:00

The first day of the New Year was a quiet one of just hanging out around the house, updating records for the end of the year; doing a couple of loads of laundry; catching up with some friends on the phone; fixing dinner.

I do remember having a rather vivid dream about the surgery this morning, so that must mean that I was in full REM sleep. It wasn’t a bad dream—just observing the surgery from within the operating room, as I recall.

That’s about it.

Day 51 - Y2K Rerun

2010-12-31T20:39:00.000-05:00

Think back 11 years ago to December 31, 1999 and how everyone was stockpiling things in anticipation of the world coming to a halt as we knew it because computers around the world would crash, wreaking havoc upon all civilization… My shopping cart at Kroger this morning looked a bit like that of one of those panicky Y2K-ers.

I stocked up on all of the essentials in anticipation of my being housebound for two to three weeks. All of the items were nonperishable (paper towels, Kleenex, laundry detergent, etc.) or canned goods. I’ll hold off on buying fresh foods till Monday morning. Now, if I need someone to run to the grocery store for me, it will only be for a few fresh things—loaf of bread, bunch of bananas, etc.

* * *

About 4:00 PM yesterday afternoon, I called Dr. Cincy’s office to confirm the surgery preps one last time, and I asked if Dr. Cincy could call me at his convenience sometime between then and when he stuck a knife in me next week. The last time we talked, I felt as though we left the lymph node removal discussion open, so I wanted to make sure that he and I were on the same page (remove them).

At 9:00 AM this morning, my home phone rang and it was Dr. Cincy calling from his home to answer my questions and review what was going to be done during the operation. Yes, I selected the right surgeon.

* * *

We had remarkably warm weather here today—in the mid 60’s!! On New Year’s Eve! I cleaned the salt and dirt out of the garage from the snow that melted off my vehicles, and I ran one of them through the car wash. Of course, an hour later, it’s getting rained on. Oh well. At least all the salt and road grime are off it.

I decided to make a dry run to the hospital this afternoon just to be sure that I knew the tricks of how to get there, much like an expectant father rehearses before the delivery. Don’t expect a birth announcement, however… “Dan delivered a 45g tumor at 3:45 PM…”

* * *

Finally, it will be a quiet New Year’s Eve here, and that’s the norm for me. I’m not much of a reveler when it comes to ringing in a New Year. Turn on the television about 5 minutes before the big moment, watch the ball drop in Times Square, and call it a night. Woo-hoo! J

I wish everyone a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2011!

Happy New Year!

Day 50 - Green Light

2010-12-30T19:40:00.000-05:00

All systems ”Go.” The CT scan, X-ray, and physical all came out fine, so I’ve been given the green light to go ahead with the surgery next week.

You would have thought coming out of the doctor’s office after the physical, that I would have been relieved and upbeat. I wasn’t expecting the, “Oh, s**t, this is really happening… SOON!” reaction. It was as though someone instantly turned up the anxiety knob. My life is about to be irreversibly changed forever. Oh crap.

I try to remember the key four-letter word in that last paragraph: Life. I’m doing this to extend my life as long as possible, but the reality of all of the changes that will be coming make keeping that perspective a challenge.

That said, as the surgery grows closer, I am being optimistic about the outcome, but I’m also being pragmatic about it as well.

To me, the surgery is only the first step in becoming cancer-free. Just because the prostate is yanked out doesn’t guarantee that I’ll be cancer free. The same thing applies to any lymph nodes that may be taken during the surgery. The only thing the surgery will tell us is how far the cancer has gone, and we’ll have to wait a week or so to get the pathology results back on the prostate and lymph nodes before we even know that answer.

Even if the pathology comes back negative for positive margins (meaning no cancer cells at the incision point), or if the lymph nodes are negative, I’ll still have another step to take before knowing that I’m cancer-free. That’s waiting the 8-12 weeks for the post-surgery PSA test.

So while I’m confident the mechanical part of the surgery will go as planned without complications, you probably won’t see me popping champagne corks or doing a little celebratory jig until sometime in April.

* * *

You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t commented much about my sleeping pattern lately. That’s because it’s actually been quite good. Except for one weird thing.

On those nights when I do wake up in the middle of the night, nine times out of ten (check my spreadsheet!), it’s between 1:00 AM and 2:00 AM (mostly between 1:00 AM and 1:30 AM). Weird, huh? I think so.

It doesn’t seem to be tied to running to the bathroom or what time I go to bed; nor can I think of any external influence that’s causing it—furnace kicking in, neighbor coming home, train passing through town three blocks away, etc. It’s not every night that it happens, but when it does, it’s usually at that time. In fact, two nights I rolled over and looked at the clock and it was 1:09 AM. Both times. (Cue the “Twilight Zone” theme…)

The good news is that I can fall back asleep in short order after looking at the clock and saying, “One o’clock again…”

Just a meaningless observation…

Day 49 - More Running

2010-12-29T20:36:00.001-05:00

The appointment I had this morning was with my local urologist, but his office here in town was booked this week, so I had to drive the 50 minutes to see him in his Cincinnati office.

We chatted about the differing views that the surgeons had regarding the lymph nodes and he agreed with Dr. Cincy—take ‘em out and make sure there’s no cancer in them. (I didn’t tell him which doctor recommended what.)

We also talked about some intermittent discomfort I’ve been having in my back near the left kidney (the one that produced the kidney stone almost six years ago). He ordered an x-ray and CT scan just to take a look and see. If there is any sign of a kidney stone, they would want to deal with that before doing the surgery.

He asked if I could do the scan this afternoon, and I said, “Yep. This is at the top of my priority list right now.” However, I was looking forward to playing in Cincinnati this afternoon. He scheduled the scan back here at the hospital at home, so that meant driving the 50 minutes back to get the scan.

Fortunately, the Radiology department at the hospital wasn’t busy, and I was in and out of there in less than half an hour. The CT scan technician hinted that he didn’t see anything, but the radiologist would review the scans and have the results tomorrow.

After the scan, I returned home for lunch. As I sat there, munching on my spinach and spring greens salad (turning over a new dietary leaf!), I thought, I’m going to go out and play. Back in the car and back to Cincinnati to do the things that I planned on doing before the CT scan got in the way.

So now I’m back home to a pile of stuff that I’ll tackle in the morning before my final pre-surgery physical tomorrow afternoon.

Day 48 - Errands

2010-12-28T19:35:00.001-05:00

Today’s emotions were a bit like the weather: Sunny and bright in the morning, giving way to clouds in the afternoon.

I started the morning running a few errands. First, paying and mailing another medical bill; second, running to the bank to deposit a check; third, calling the surgeon’s office to confirm the instructions for the day before; and finally, a run to the pharmacy to drop off two prescriptions that I’ll have to take the day before the surgery.

The call to the surgeon was a kicker. In a nutshell, I’m not supposed to have ANY solid food AT ALL during the day before the surgery. No breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snacks. I forewarned her that she’ll have one grumpy-assed patient on her hands on the day of the surgery. She laughed. The other fun part is that I get to repeat the “internal cleansing” that I did for the colonoscopy. Yippeee!

After lounging around in my new robe all day yesterday, I knew that I had to formally cancel the scheduled surgery date with Dr. Indy. His assistant coincidentally called just as I was sitting down to write the e-mail to her. I think she was a bit miffed, but so was I. If a doctor never answers your follow-up questions, it’s time to find a new doctor.

I had lunch at home and then headed to Indianapolis to take advantage of some of the post-Christmas sales. Macy’s had a deal on t-shirts and underwear, so I picked up some new t-shirts and really loose boxers that will accommodate my extra plumbing better than my thongs. (Just checking to see who’s really reading this thing!! J Of course, with that visual, you’ve probably been blinded and won’t be able to read another word.)

So after getting the essentials taken care of, I headed off to Best Buy and one of the malls to see what kind of trouble that I could get into. That’s when the emotional skies turned from sunny to gray.

You all know me. Normally when I shop, I hesitate because I haven’t done my Consumer Reports analysis before making the purchase (see section on surgeon selection). That’s just me. But now, I hesitate before purchasing anything for a different reason.

I hesitate because I ask, “What if… What if the cancer doesn’t go away?” It’s not a strong feeling. It’s not a dire feeling. It’s just one of being practical. “Do I really need this…? Will I be able to use it?” I hate that I think in those terms, even if only for a few seconds. I’d much rather think, “What’s the user rating on this product? How many stars did it get?”

You’ll be happy to know that I just muscled through those feelings and bought what I wanted this afternoon, cancer be damned! J As one friend reminded me, “I’ve never seen a funeral with the hearse towing a U-haul trailer filled with money.” You can’t take it with you, right?

Besides, what I bought was something practical and will be used whether I’m cancer-free or still fighting this: new cookware. My old set is nearly 17 years old and the non-stick coating just isn’t functioning the way it should any longer.

I’ve got some more pre-surgery tests tomorrow and a physical on Thursday. If those go well, then we’re on for next week. And I’ll have to admit that the anxiety level is beginning its slow but steady climb. That’s to be expected.

So that’s it. Time to un-box my new cookware.

Day 47 - Quiet

2010-12-27T19:16:00.000-05:00

One of the gifts that I received for Christmas (by request) was a new, big, fluffy bathrobe for use in the hospital and around the house afterwards. Of course, I had to take it for a rigorous test spin when I got out of bed this morning. I wore it all day. All freakin’ day. J It works great!

That meant today was a day of total relaxation. No calls. No lists. No organizing. No cleaning. Not even checking the mail. Just lounging around in my robe, getting caught up on reading some magazines, watching a little Food Network, and even taking a little cat nap in the middle of the day.

All good things must come to an end, however. When I went to get dressed to go to the market, I couldn’t find my wallet. Full panic ensued.

I tore apart my home office, bedroom, utility room, truck, both bathrooms, and even went through the trash and dirty laundry. It was nowhere to be found. I knew that I had it with me for the trip back from my sister’s yesterday—I took money out of it to pay the toll on the highway—so I knew it had to be here someplace.

Then I remembered… I had gone into the living room to make a phone call last night and forgot that I took it out of my pocket when I sat on the sofa. There it was on the coffee table. Crisis averted.

So now that I found it, I can head off to the market and restock for the week. Tomorrow, I’ll get back into the preparation mode.

Day 46 - Home

2010-12-26T19:33:00.000-05:00

As I was pulling out of the driveway Friday morning to drive to my sister’s house, I noticed an envelope leaning against the front door. I put the truck in park, hopped out, and grabbed it. It was a FedEx from Dr. Indy’s office. I tossed it on the passenger’s seat, put the truck in reverse, and forgot about it until I checked my mailbox when I returned home this evening. There was a brown envelope also from Dr. Indy’s office.

I’ve yet to look at either, and probably won’t until tomorrow.

Christmas with the family was fun, although I’ll have to admit there were a few moments where I really had to force myself not to go down the “woe is me” path. Watching a three-month old baby experience her first Christmas was a great way to get my mind on happier things. (Plus, it can be a hoot watching all the adults interact with the baby, too.)

In any case, I’m safely back home, putting all the gifts away, and mapping out what has to be done over the next week or so. I have a couple of pre-surgery appointments later in the week, and then I should be ready to go. In theory. The closer I get, I’m sure the anxiety level will increase.

For privacy reasons, I won’t post the exact details of the surgery here on the blog. I’ll send out an e-mail with that information later in the week.

Oh. And my apologies for my poor punctuation on my Christmas greetings (cleaned up since originally posted). I used my phone to do the posts and apparently there's some compatibility issues with posting to the blog from a phone. (Hey, worrying about punctuation means I'm not worrying about cancer or surgery for a few seconds... )

Day 45 - Christmas

2010-12-25T19:09:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Day 44 - Family

2010-12-24T16:27:00.002-05:00

Christmas Eve with family. What else needs to be said?

Day 43 - Tests

2010-12-23T20:45:00.000-05:00

Today began with a drive to the hospital where I’m having surgery for some pre-surgery tests: EKG, blood work, and urine screening. Of course there was one more round of medical history questions. “When was the last time you stubbed your little toe? When was the last time you had a hangnail?” Okay, maybe not quite that bad. But it seemed like it.

When I was done, I was completely registered for the surgery and the nurse even gave me the little plastic ID bracelet that I’ll have to wear once I'm admitted to the hospital. “Make sure you bring this back on the day of the surgery,” she instructed me. Wow. I guess I just show up, put the bracelet on, get undressed, and lay on the stretcher. I guess that’s efficient.

The rest of the day was spent making sure everything was in place at work for my extended absence.

In the evening, I went to the local watering hole here in town to meet up with an old boss of mine and a few others for a holiday beverage or three. My former boss left the company seven years ago and took a job in North Carolina. It was good to get caught up and hear some of his funny memories of working here.

Well, it’s almost 9:00 PM and I should get things organized for tomorrow, Christmas Eve. I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Day 42 - Preparation

2010-12-22T19:29:00.002-05:00

Today was a productive day getting organized for being off work for six weeks. I was able to pull some reference material together, contact lists, etc., for others to refer to while I’m out. I also had an interesting phone call this afternoon with a gentleman from another of our locations.

He needed an assist with something he’s working on, and as we were wrapping up the conversation, I asked what his timeline was for a response. I mentioned that I would be off work on January 4^th for surgery and would try to get something to him before then. He inquired about the surgery and when I told him that I had prostate cancer, he opened up. He had been through the same surgery 3 months ago. He shared his story with me and I really appreciated having another patient’s perspective.

I also had to call the FMLA/Short-term Disability (STD—could they possibly not think of a better acronym???) administrators to get that paperwork rolling. The person on the other end of the phone showed little compassion. When she asked why I needed to be out on leave and I told her that I had cancer, she didn’t even bat an eye before tabbing to the next field in her database. Perhaps you become numb hearing everyone’s ailments all day long and my expectations are too high.

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment at the hospital for an EKG and some blood work; next week I have two appointments for more pre-surgery screening. Hopefully everything comes out okay and no one stomps on the brakes to delay the surgery.

Finally, there were no real doubts about my decision today. No second-guessing. No buyer’s remorse.

Time to throw a load of laundry in the washer and get ready for Christmas Eve at my sister’s.

Day 41 - Selection

2010-12-21T18:35:00.000-05:00

A day of meetings kept me pretty busy and my mind occupied on things other than the upcoming surgery. But when I returned home for lunch, there were two messages on my answering machine—one from the insurance company and the other from the hospital.

The call from the insurance company was interesting. They said that they learned that I’d be an inpatient at t a hospital soon, and that they needed to collect some important information. When I dialed the number that they left, the entire battery of questions that needed to be answered was done with an automated voice recognition system. I didn’t speak to a human once in the entire call, yet I answered everything they needed to know. Isn’t technology wonderful? (Sarcasm.)

The call from the hospital was to schedule some pre-surgery tests—an EKG and some blood tests. Those will occur Thursday morning in Cincinnati.

Later in the afternoon, I had to call the hospital again to preregister for my stay. Again, another battery of questions. I’ve never been asked what my birthday is so many times in my life! J

I’m going to schedule one more meeting with Dr. Cincy to ensure that we’re both on the same page prior to the surgery. As far as I’m concerned at this point, he’s the guy. No more research. No more reading. Move the burden from my shoulders to his and have faith that he’ll give me the best possible outcome.

I feel comfortable with my choice and I don’t feel as though I’m settling. Let’s move forward and take the next step in the process.

Day 40 - Crossroads

2010-12-20T22:06:00.000-05:00

Indonesia. France. Germany. Denmark. U.K. Russia. Canada. U.S. I’ve had page views from each of those countries since the launching this blog. Wow.

* * *

Für meine Freunde in Deutschland:

Vielen Dank für Ihren Kommentar. Wenn Sie möchten, senden Sie mir bitte eine E-Mail mit dem Link in meinem Profil. (In der "Über mich" Teil weiter unten.) Wenn Sie dies tun, kann ich dann, um Ihre Kommentare zu antworten.

Und bitte verzeihen Sie mich für mein schlechtes Deutsch.

* * *

Today got off to an early start when I drove to my biofeedback session in Cincinnati. As I was sitting in the waiting room, I was reading my book and it said, “…this is an expensive way for a man to learn how to start and stop his stream, and indeed, critical studies have demonstrated no great benefit to this elaborate and expensive procedure. “ Something reassuring that I needed to read 10 minutes before starting the session.

One thing that did make the session worthwhile is the lesson that I learned about the catheter and drainage bags. It was very informative and gave me a better understanding of what I’m in for.

After that appointment, I had another appointment with my family doctor here in town. I wanted to get her take on the lymph node dilemma—take them out or leave them in. I thought that she might be a bit more committal with her recommendation, but she really wasn’t. “It’s your choice,” she said after explaining some pros and cons. She suggested that it might be of value to talk with an oncologist who deals with prostate patients, and I may take her up on that suggestion. But that leads to another issue which I’ll talk about in a minute.

Needless to say, the events of the morning didn’t exactly put me in a cheerful mood for our Christmas lunch with our team at work. Or for the rest of the afternoon, for that matter. Especially when I read, “…as surgical procedures go, radical prostatectomy remains one of the most delicate, intricate, and flat-out difficult to perform correctly.”

I’ve learned through this whole process that you really do have to educate yourself and be your own advocate. But for those of you who really know me, you know that I can take educating myself to an extreme. At some point, I’m going to have to stop and just take that leap of faith.

But there are still some questions that need to be asked and answered, and I’ll do that. Will I ever get comfortable with the notion of having to go through this? Nope. I need to identify the point at which I can follow the book’s advice:

“Now we’re at a crossroads. Educating yourself is just half the battle—the half you can control. The other half involves a leap of faith: You must find a doctor you can believe in, and then you must be able to accept that doctor’s advice.”

“…Release the burden from your shoulders. Let go and allow the doctor to take over. Spend your energy and strength following that advice, recovering from the treatment, and beating this disease.”

I think I’m getting closer. But I also know that I have until the day before the surgery to change my mind.

* * *

An update: Neither Dr. Indy nor anyone from his staff has yet to contact me with answers to my questions from last Tuesday, with the orders for the pre-surgery physical tests, or the DVD and information packet concerning the procedure.

Day 39 - 20th Century

2010-12-19T17:52:00.000-05:00

Okay. I know it’s really the 21^st Century, but I finally joined the 20^th Century this afternoon. “Huh?” you ask.

Well, you know what they say about old dogs and new tricks… I finally took a couple of my CD’s and ripped some songs from them in MP3 format to upload onto my phone. (Yes, I know… I’m the last guy on the planet to convert to pure digital music.) Having some tunes available over the next few weeks will be a good distraction.

Speaking of distractions, you would think that I might have turned to television to take me away from my thinking about cancer. Interestingly, that’s not been the case at all. In fact, if I’ve watched more than four hours of television since Day 1, I’d be surprised (aside from listening to the news and weather as I’m getting ready in the mornings).

I took a break from reading “Surviving Prostate Cancer” today. While it’s been very educational, I can only take so much of it at once. I may read a few sections tonight before going to bed.

Tomorrow morning, I head to the urology center to learn how to control my bladder sphincter through biofeedback a session. In other words, I’m being potty trained again. J Hey, if it helps prevent me from peeing in my pants after the surgery, I’m all for it.

My refrigerator is in need of restocking to get me through the short week, so I need to run off to the grocery store. Plus, you would think that I was smart enough to throw a load of laundry in while I was ripping songs, but noooo… So when I get back, at least one load is going in the wash.

That’s my Sunday!

Day 38 - Reading

2010-12-18T20:33:00.000-05:00

Another good night’s sleep had me sleeping in until 9:00 AM this morning. Loved it. J And I didn’t wake up like I did yesterday, and that was good, too.

Once I did get motivated, I was off to the bank and barber shop to get my hair cut for the holidays. My barber is living with prostate cancer, but he’s 73 and has chosen the watchful waiting. Besides, I’m not sure he could stand another surgery. He’s had a kidney removed because he had kidney cancer; lung cancer; and a heart by-pass. It’s good to see that he’s survived all that and is still in business.

When I got home, I reorganized one of my closets after years of just putting more and more stuff into it. I may work on the dresser in the guest room tomorrow in anticipation of my sister staying with me for a while. She’ll need someplace to put her clothes.

And this evening was spent reading more in my new book for nearly four hours. I’m about halfway through it now and obviously took a break to update the blog.

So that’s about it for this Saturday evening…

Day 37 - Sad

2010-12-17T20:55:00.000-05:00

Sad.

That’s how I felt right out of bed this morning. It was really odd. Not depressed (I think). Not angry. Just sad. And a bit emotional.

I swear, if my reflection in the mirror whispered, “Boo!” I would have been in tears. And considering that I haven’t shed a tear since the beginning of this journey, perhaps it’s time.

And the sadness lasted pretty much through the entire day, much like the gray clouds that have been hovering overhead for much of this week.

I think I may be coming to terms with the fact that this could be bigger than I have thought it was all along. Even when the surgery is a success, I’ll still have cancer in my thoughts for the rest of my life. Will it come back? Will it appear elsewhere? When can I call myself cancer-free? Five years? Ten years? Ever? What will I have to give up in order to increase my chances of remaining cancer-free?

So what does one do to shake the sadness? Shop.

I ran to Jungle Jim’s market to pick up the Christmas goodies that I usually bring to my sister’s house, and a few extra things for me leapt off the shelves and into my cart. Just like Christmas shopping on Day 28. J

So if red wine helps prevent prostate cancer and dairy products feed prostate cancer cells, does having wine and cheese turn into a zero sum game? Do they cancel each other out? Just wondering…

The next chapter in my “Surviving Prostate Cancer” book talks about the effect of diet on prostate cancer. Red meat and other sources of animal fat (e.g., cheese) are big no-no’s. Fruits, vegetables, grains—all good guys. (Back to that “What will I have to give up to remain cancer-free” question.)

The “tease” on the book is from USA Today: “The ultimate book on the No. 1 men’s disease in the world…should be in every man’s home.” I’m only through three chapters of the book, and I’m beginning to see why they said that. It’s well-written and quite thorough.

Guys, if you have a history of prostate cancer in your family, you should check it out because you’re at higher risk than most. (It was only $11.55 on Amazon.com, and, no, I don’t get a commission!) Getting through the remaining nine chapters will be my goal for the weekend.

Enjoy yours!

Day 36 - Snow

2010-12-16T19:12:00.001-05:00

Snow. Shoveling snow at 6:30 AM. Ugh.

I was supposed to meet a friend for breakfast at 7:00 AM and we knew that it would be a little iffy with the forecast. Sure enough, there was about three inches of snow on the ground this morning, and that was enough to postpone our meeting, so I was out shoveling it off the drive before heading to work.

I stayed up reading my new book, “Surviving Prostate Cancer,” a little later than I should have been—11:45 PM—but it’s a very informative book. I made it through about 85 of the 575 pages. You’d think that I would be tossing and turning all night, digesting what I had just read. I didn’t. It was a good night’s sleep.

I’m still waiting to hear back from Dr. Indy concerning the follow-up questions that I sent to him at 9:30 AM Tuesday morning (it’s now 7:00 PM Thursday night).

I forgot to mention that I called the American Cancer Society hotline the other night and spoke to a very nice young woman. Of course, they can’t give out specific guidance on medical treatment, but she pointed me in the direction of more information on their website.

At work, I’m beginning to get things lined up for me to be out 6 weeks (with time off for the holidays in that number). Making contact lists, step-by-step instructions for some of the quirky things that I do, etc. I also approached one of my neighbors (with a snowblower) to see if he would be willing to clear my drive if/when it snows during the 4 weeks after the surgery that I'm not supposed to lift anything. He kindly agreed. (THANKS!!)

After work, I returned home to another inch of snow on the driveway, and a foot or so of snow piled up where the plow went by. So I ended the day just as I had begun it—shoveling snow. Ugh.

* * *

Oh. I forgot. An administrative note... If you leave a comment using the "Anonymous" feature, it's truly that unless you leave a clue for me to figure out who you are... Location... Initial(s)... Of course, you may be intentionally trying to drive me nuts... And that's okay, too!

Day 35 - Thinking

2010-12-15T18:31:00.000-05:00

So after last night’s lengthy ranting (which really helped me organize my thoughts), I’ll try to keep this post short. Besides, my new favorite bedtime read, “Dr. Patrick Walsh’s Guide to Surviving Prostate Cancer,” just arrived and I want to tear into it.

Dr. Indy still has yet to answer my follow-up questions despite a call from his assistant wanting to confirm the surgery date. I asked if she had given the questions to Dr. Indy, and she had, but said that he was tied up in meetings and surgery all day yesterday and this morning. “He’s pretty good about e-mailing patients.” Okay. I didn’t commit to her date yet.

I did e-mail my coworker who had been through this to see what his experience had been with the lymph nodes. He didn’t know for sure whether they were there or not; he only knew that Dr. Indy would do what was needed to get rid of the cancer.

I’ve pretty much made up my mind that I’ll go to Dr. Cincy for the surgery. I’ll hold off until I hear from Dr. Indy and see what I glean from my new bestseller in the snowy days ahead (good time to curl up with a book, eh?). There would really have to be some compelling revelation from either that would change my mind.

Finally, I’ll have to admit that I seem to be falling back into a more normal sleep pattern, which is good. It makes it a little easier to be around me when I’m not so grumpy. J